Smithfield Shithouses & Silent Shines 

 Run # 807  October 22, 2001

Hare:  Short Peck

Scribe:  PW

Where:   Smithfield

The Weather:   60’s dark ugly rain

Present:   Enema Bill(LAM) Bodhisattva Bondo, PW, Oozing, Async, Short Peck, WIPOS, A Navy Virgin

Hashit: Bodhisattva Bondo

Management: Zoe, Baxter, Jake, Ben

For Sale: Basket's Integrity

The Run:

What do you do with an abandoned restaurant? Start a hash from it of course!

The late great Ron’s Spaghetti House was the scene of this weeks crime, I mean Hash. The old time place may have absorbed by the Chapter 11 folks, but its parking lot remains a central spot to enjoy a hash in the areas around Rt. 116.

Enema Bill (LAM), Async, Bodhisattva Bondo, PW, Short Peck, Oozing, WIPOS, and some Navy virgin joined the hare (Mr. Short Peck) admiring just how quickly it gets dark in northern RI, when on out was called. (Sadly, there was no Ever Ready this week. Unconfirmed rumor has it that she met a local at Cady’s and, yada yada yada,, now she can open a beer bottle with her teeth. If she fails to appear at next weeks hash, it will force Enema Bill to write a song ).

In his instructions, the hirsute Hare said the beer check would be held, using vague language such as

"You’ve been there before". Enema Bill (LAM) turned over the lightbulb in his head (slowly), exclaimed " I know this" and ran off with Baxter. The on out also interrupted a lively discussion on the recent Boston Phoenix article about that citys Hash. " Piss drinking money grubbing bastards" was heard as the pack lit out down the road and into the wet woods on Rt 116.

The pack assumed their normal positions with Oozing and Async out front followed by the pack of dogs and then the other pack of dogs, on two feet. Through a cold stream, up to power lines, and then across the road to the paths into the dark. No Enema Bill, no Baxter, no worries.

In keeping with family tradition, the Hare used the absolute minimum amount of flour to mark trail. Once those two teaspoonfuls were gone, the pack began drifting down nameless trails seeking out anything that looked white. Finding a check, the pack spilt with Async and Oozing into a path each, and Bondo and PW seeking the straight path. The intrepid duo, and their dogs, bickered and sought out flour. Finding none they called out, only to hear " On back" from the hare. Running back through the check, they met the hare a distance past that and turned left trail to catch up. Despite the weather, they still openly cursed the hare for setting a true trail that began long before the check. Poor hare, just look at those genes.

Through the woods, onto a trim Smithfield suburban street (providing the only excitement that neighborhood has ever seen), under 116 and through an industrial park. The FRB Oozing and Async, were joined by Navy Bruce in the hunt for beer. The stash was found a short time later by the hashers in one of a series of three abandoned elf houses. After Oozing finished conversing with the resident cookie makers, stout was poured joyfully as the Enema Bill was not there! Despite claims to know the location of the beer check, he had not arrived before the pack. Much joy was had in Smithfield that night, as the Short Peck’s run quickly vaulted to "Run of the Year" status.  PW and Bondo started a grateful chant, and the birds began to sing.

However, all good things must come to an end, there is a war on you know. Just as the stout ran dry, a bugle was heard in the distance. As though choreographed, the Hash doused lights and maintained Enema Bill (LAM) silence. The depth charge of the bugle grew closer, forcing Async, PW, Short Peck, Oozing, and Navy Bruce to seek cover in the elf huts. Bodhisattva Bondo had a more ecological idea, hiding his svelte figure behind a nearby sapling. WIPOS, pressing a button on his survival suit, burrowed deep into the earth, prepared to hide until spring. Enema Bill wandered about the elf compound on this dark night, calling out "are you" into the night. Just one more crazy man lost in the woods of Smithfield.

The clever ruse was betrayed by Enema Bill’s ability to spot Bondo hiding behind a tree. Incredible, how could he see through the tree with just one eye? In a small consolation, there was no beer left, so on out was called again to a short trail leading back out to good old Ron’s.

The circle gathered, down downs given to the hare, the virgin, and to Enema Bill, because he asked for one. The hashit was given to Bodhisattva Bondo who, in a quest to lay this honor off on PW, threw and broke the hashit into many pieces in the parking lot of Ron’s. For that sacrilege, the hashits returned to Woonsocket, side by each.

On on to Tina’s (or Lisa’s as the hare kept calling it, confusing the name for the last " bruta" he found in there) a college dump that did not even have a kitchen, but did have a cigar chomping guy named Jerry taking numbers at the bar. (Am I in Central Falls?) .

Oozing, Async, Enema Bill, Short Peck, WIPOS, and, in a rare appearance PW gathered for the feast. With pizzas ordered, Short Peck set about reviving a nearby TV, using lots of physical persuasion. Oozing insisted on watching the game on the wide screen, which he kept calling "Cricket" and yelled out after 20 minutes without a tea break. Enema Bill (LAM) watched the billiard table, WIPOS watched the door.

PW had brought copies of the Boston Phoenix article about the Beantown hash. A lively discussion about the core of that august group opened up, leading to many charges about mental capacities, money grubbing, and their affinity for beer the RIH3 would not serve to the Taliban. An editorial policy was settled upon for the Hash Trash. The policy now stands that anyone who complains about the contents of the Trash will be banished from it’s pages until Bondo loses 20 pounds, or Enema Bill (LAM) does not expose himself to, or write idiotic songs about, any of the female Hashers.

The check was settled by the generosity of PW, who gladly paid Enema Bill and Bondo for the last round using the money clip of someone named Bill O’Brien. Bondo promised a great feast for the next week, part of his quarterly " Clean out the freezer" program. Bring on the Pepto!

ON ON

PW