Run # 817  December 30, 2001

Hare:  Bondo Jovi

Scribe:  Ever Ready Smelly Beaver 9

Location: Barrington, very near Async’s safe haven

The Weather:    Sunny, 20's

The Run:

The hare had the audacity to start just 800 yards from Async’s humble mansion, in this highly patrolled police state called Barrington. Once home to blue collared workers, digging quahog from the bay; now pushed out by Lawyers, Bankers and thug Politicians who refuse to allow local pubs from serving a much needed and calming drink after a day’s hard work.  Async has yet to invite the hash to his ranch, and the thought that we may actually run past, caused him to alert the Police of our activities. Unmarked Ford’s followed us throughout the trail with drivers of dubious character. 

Trail Hoover and Basket had just a minute to discuss the obnoxious discussion I had on the net about her, before I pulled up to Eager Beaver’s house. Joined shortly by Async, and Palm Pilot. We waited a long 10 minutes for the venerable Slasher Dr.WHO, who had promised to join us, especially this close to his home in Tiverton. We were unaware of his charitable work on PW, and we are all praying it is a success. 

The Hare pointed us off in the direction towards Async, along the winding streets straddled with manicured lawns and security cameras. We made our way out to the main drag and crossed behind a school. The windows were all covered over with pictures of their parents and words of love and tenderness, as this is the Christmas season they had been taught early the ways to garner as much as possible during this most capitalistic holiday. We don’t celebrate it in Pakistan, because we already have plenty of rock presents from Ramadans past. 

The trail went into the woods and split, with Async going off to the right and Basket and Baxter traveling straight. Evidently Async had prior knowledge of this trail, but refused to invite the hash here for obvious reasons. Async’s trail was true, of course, and he led the pack out to another road. The hare had placed an arrow pointing towards Async’s house, but by the time we got there it had been scratch out by someone’s trainers. The pack followed right, and despite the unmarked car following us, we made our way behind yet another school. The officer parked in the driveway and waited until we exited through the play area and into someone’s back yard. 

We arrived at Eager Beaver’s sister’s house for beer and champagne. Since it was the New Year Hash, we all celebrated with the bubbly, and since it was somewhat chilly, we made our way in to urinate there. Her sister's house was extremely tidy and neat, unlike her the Beav’s. We didn’t have to pick last weeks pizza off the floor or anything. They are Glass Painters, and examples of their fine art were everywhere. I tied to stick a few samples into my jock, but the cold glass was enough to cause even grater shrinkage than did the run in freezing temperatures. Baxter drooled all over the kitchen floor along with Tinker (not bell), and Basket found a proper place to eliminated his extended bowel problem. 

We exited when “The Man” arrived again, and ran back into the woods. This trail took us back towards the first school we had passed, and found WIPOS’s car parked in the car park. It was obvious he had been ‘Car Hashing’, an immediate nomination for Hashit. He would find us soon, as we hid the beer inside sister’s house. We arrived at Smelly Beaver’s shortly thereafter and circled up around a trampoline covered in leaves from the last few seasons from the depth of them.  

Beer was brought out and the hare received a justly deserved ‘Down-down’ for a fair hash, in “VIRGIN” territory (read Async is scared). Next WIPOS arrived and made his way onto the trampoline for his “Late Cumer”  down-down, then I was invited aboard to share my wit and suggestions to pass along the HASHIT. Choice were plenty the most deserving, by his own admission was Async. Visitor Trail Hoover and Palm Pilot got theirs and then we invited Basket to do his famous two and a half gainer on the springboard.  Swing low was sung and we adjured inside for more beer and food. 

The hare’s sister arrived with another girlfriend just as pizza, Coney Island Dogs, and cute little bread thingies with fillings.   You won’t see food like this in England or Pakistan for that matter. Everything was delicious including the visitors. If Trail Hoover hadn’t been there, I might have shagged the both of them right there, sisters or not.  We ate and sang songs.   Naturally, due to the presence of respectable civilians, Basket began singing the nastiest of the hash song repertoire, including songs about gang rape and sadomasochism.    Smelly brought out more beer and a CD of hash songs so we could rest our voices. Palm Pilot Allowetta'ed Stinky’s sister and after abusing the neighbors we kissed all a good night and made our way home. Good Hash, good food, good beer, what a way to start the New Year.  

On On,

Your Humble Servant Oozing Syphilitic Dick-ta-Phone