Romantic Paddling with Bondo

Run: #836 May 6, 2002
Hare: EverReady & Kneeling Room Only
Where: Charlestown
Scribe: Async
Temp: balmy, brisk, 40's
Hounds: Async, Dr. Who, Bondo, Oozing
Latecummers: Basket, WIPOS
Visitors: 4 or 5 visitors whose names I can't remember, including, a couple of wankers from the Aquidneck Island Bowling Hash
Supervisors: Ben, Jake, Baxter

The Run:

Hare EverReady thought she would be able to ditch most of us by setting her hash in the far reaches of South County.  Except for perennial latecummers Basket and WIPOS, most of the usual lowlifes navigated successfully thru the twisting roads of Charlestown.   But not Bondo.  Woonsocket’s finest decided to turn LEFT when the directions said to turn RIGHT off of Route 1.  After a half hour of cursing, chomped cigars and frenzied barking, the Bhottavista One found his way up the long driveway to the start of the run.

EverReady managed to convince one of her (now former) friends to host the Rhode Island Hash at her lovely home in the woods.  “Jo-Jo” foolishly agreed to let the hash begin and end at her house.  But more on the poor hostess later.

After a lame new boot orientation by Oozing for the benefit of the visitors, the pack was off into the nearby trails.  We followed the groomed trails through dense coastal scrub and trees.  At the bottom of a short hill, the trail led to a small dam and a flour "T" on the trail.  Nope, not T for Turkey, this was a Tequila check.  The hares had thoughtfully placed a bottle of tequila and some fresh cut lime in observance of Cinco de Mayo.  A calendar day late, but the pack didn't mind.  They quickly passed the bottle around and got back on trail.  A few minutes and a few falsies later, the trail led to the shore of a small pond.   The pack followed the hares around the shoreline to the beer check.  Decent beer.  No Bud.  Guinness, that is.

At the beer check, we blew horns for the benefit of the latecumming Basket and WIPOS, but they hadn't even bothered to set foot on trail.  They hung out with Jo-Jo back at the start.  Jo-Jo was apparently intrigued (or perhaps amused) by WIPOS' sexy survival gear and Basket's lab coat.

The pack, led by FRB Bondo,  ran the quarter-mile or so back to the start.   Bondo and Async followed trail down to the pond behind Jo-Jo's house.  At the edge of the pond there was a case of beer, a small dock and a half-swamped canoe.  In spite of creeping dementia induced by far too many years of hashing, the two aging hash veterans were able to seize the opportunity.  While the rest of the pack was back at the house flirting with Jo-Jo, Bondo and Async drained the canoe, grabbed the beer and paddled off into the sunset.

Eventually Jo-Jo grew weary of the hash's antics.  ( Basket evidently offered to model his kilt and fright wig for the young lady).  The pack made its way down to the pond,  discovered the beer was missing and began to cry.  Bondo and Async had mercy on the wanks and paddled back to the shore and the circle.

The circle was held on the small slippery dock on a 45 degree slope.  The back end of the dock was in the pond water.  Religious Advisor Basket Boom Boom led us through the usual ministrations, visitor down-downs and hashit award ceremony.  Oozing, the recipient of the coveted award, was less then gracious upon the completion of the voting.  He insisted upon dancing with Basket on the slippery dock.   As you might expect, the terrorists from Burrillville and Pakistan were soon in the water.

How did the Rhode Island Hash House Harriers show their gratitude to hostess Jo-Jo for opening up her home to us?  We "Allouette=ed" her, of course!  Jo-Jo showed her incredible agility and balance by teetering on to the sloping dock in spiked high heels, while Basket sang the respectful Allouette tribute to her.

An obvious glutton for punishment, Jo-Jo invited us into her house for the on-on-on.   She had prepared a delicious vegetarian Mexican dinner.  The pack was unusually quiet and well-behaved.   Basket kept his clothes on.  Oozing didn't start any political discussions.  Bondo didn't light any cigars.  Dr. Who didn't tell any proctology jokes.  Async didn't wax nostalgic about California.  WIPOS didn't stroke his cane.  EverReady didn't play pre-recorded hash songs.  Kneeling Room Only didn't masturbate.

With any luck, we'll go back to a slimy bar next week.  Good food and warm hospitality will spoil the hash.

On On

Async