Hash Yuppies in Borrington

Run #872. Jan 13,2003
Hare: EverReady
Scribe: Dr WHO
Location: Barrington
Weather: mid-30’s, clear
Present: Bondo Jovi, Dr WHO, WIPOS, Basket Boom Boom, Treehouse/Birdbrain, Fuwangi Boner, Oozing SD, SESYB, KNO
Other Hounds: Ben, Jake, Seamus, Mr. Peabody, Tinker.
Commemorating: 46^th anniversary of the Frisbee (and the 140^th anniversary of the introduction of the one-piece pedestal toilet by Sir Thomas Crapper).

The Run:

Barrington, Rhode Island is one of those special communities for special people. Like Chestnut Hill, Grosse Point, Bel Air and others, when you move to Barrington you become a part of the elite. For some hashers, this means an end to their childish ways and a welcome matriculation into the world of adults. Thus when the hare EverReady decided to set trail in this jewel of the East Bay, all knew that they must be on their best behaviour. They prepared accordingly. They chose their most reputable shiggy shoes. They bathed thoroughly on Saturday night. They studied their Reader’s Digests’ “Improve Your Vocabulary” sections. They color coordinated. It was a group very different from the usual that gathered that night. They met at the former site of the Barrington Police Department, perhaps making a symbolic statement of their resolve to reform. In Barrington, one must learn to hash like ladies and gentlemen.

Bondo and Dr WHO were the first to arrive. Dr WHO commented admiringly on Bondo’s boots (Vasque Sundowners, $180.00 retail) and Bondo returned the compliment vocally praising the practicality of Dr WHO’s trail shoes (Montrail Hurricane Ridge GTX with Integrafit, at about $115.00). Next arriving were WIPOS (in his Helly Hansen Lhotse Jacket, $160.00), Birdbrain (fully prepared in Sierra Designs Peak Bagger XV, at $219.00), and Fuwangi Boner (wearing Obermeyer from head to toe: Hat - $22.00, Jacket - $189.50, and Gore-tex pants - $229.50). Basket wore his usual lab coat (but underneath was layered exclusively in Kenyon (tops- $24.00, bottoms - $24.00), with Thorlos ($15.50) and a Hind Sports Bra ($35.00)). The hare greeted the arrivals with an aperitif of Limonciello (Banfi Villa Grazia - $14.95), and admired how all had risen to the occasion.

Those missing were discussed. Swallows My Pride had suffered a crisis when she realized that her new nail laminates clashed with her only clean running suit. She was still waiting for her laundry delivery. Raging Queen was afraid of the possible beer choices in the “Land of Chardonnay”. KNO was on his way from a power lunch meeting in ‘the city’. Oozing had text-messaged that he and SESYB were en route, but his Beamer (MSRP about $46,000.00) had been a bit sluggish off the stoplights recently so he had stopped briefly at his garage to have his man check the timing. This left Async. Unaccounted for yet again in a Barrington hash. Well, it is probably understandable given how prominent he is in the town being a bank executive and all. If he were seen with the hash, that would be the end of his chances to get elected Commodore of the Barrington Yacht Club for sure!

The run started by heading towards the bike path where a check sent half the group across the Barrington River towards New Meadow Neck and the home of the hare. (This is unfortunately not the fashionable part of town. But the hare is a widowed young mother. You can’t have that sort of demographic too close to Nayatt Road! What would the kids think? At any rate I am sure KNO has plans to move to Rumstick Point after he makes an honest woman of her this spring. And what hashes we’ll have out there!) Coming back, they were joined by Oozing and SESYB the Hoover. The trail led west along the bike path and crossed County Road. Some of the group were distracted by a sale on misses’ accessories at Talbot’s. Fortunately for the hash (as anyone should know) they close at 6PM. Oozing and Basket made a note to themselves to return the next day to search for that perfect skirt. But Starbucks AND Borders Books were open.  It nearly ended there.

Finally trail was found leading into some woods behind the Barrington Shopping Center. These centrally located woods known locally as the “Great Barrington Wilderness”, are preserved for the enjoyment of all as a spot where one can seek solitude and get back to nature in its primal state. All ten acres are pristine (except of course for the graded and manicured trails crossing behind Brickyard Pond), and the area is a fine example of southern New England Cedar wetlands.  The hashers split up trying to find trail. Birdbrain and Fuwangi led with their usual speed, taking care not to exceed 80% of their maximal heart rate of course. This led to their complete confusion as their hare had been a crafty minx, and had chosen this locale to conserve on flour (Wades Mill Stone Ground Semolina Flour, $4.00 for 5lb.). Oozing and SESYB continued straight and temporarily audited a Cardio-Kickboxing class at the Barrington YMCA. Dr WHO went back to the bike path. He met a female jogger in the dark. He stopped to suggest helpfully that she might want some new headlights  (Petzl Duo LED 5, $77.00). Basket was distracted when he spied what he thought was a giant Blue Tit (parus caeruleus) on a swamp maple branch. But it was only a Swallow. Bondo and WIPOS finally showed some sense. They followed the hare.

It turned out that this foray into the wild was only a brief respite. The trail circled back out to Rumstick Road. They ran south and then did a loop west again, this time on pavement in an area where the Neighborhood Watch is notoriously tolerant. They ran back out to the road and then east towards the river on Chapin St.. The BC was found. Birdbrain and Dr WHO were first to arrive and found Guinness and some other sort of beer-like substance in plain view in the backyard of a house undergoing an addition. They helped themselves to the stout, and thought it would be jolly fun if they hid the good stuff so the rest would have to drink like they do in Connecticut. Naturally the joke went over smashingly.  All arrived eventually, and KNO even came up with some better ale. The dogs were joined by Tinker, an occasional hash dog owned by the hare’s sister. They frolicked, and attempted amatory advances upon each other and Bondo. The hare and her sister (at whose home the hospitality was being shared) pointed out that there were ordinances against this sort of thing in Barrington. Extensive debates were held as to the advisability of taking this dog-and-hasher show on the road and making a stop at chez Async. But it was decided to have mercy. The group headed back out to Mathewson Lane and thence back north to the parking area.

As the hashers arrived, they broke out the Frisbees (World Class Ultimate Frisbee, 175 g, $10.50) and had a spirited game of Ultimate Frisbee, the “ultimate” part being the part where ultimately the discs sailed into the river and were lost. They circled up at the water’s edge using a yacht dinghy to hold the beer. Ratings for the run were: “charming!”, “totally awesome!”, “a glorious outing!”, and “Everready, you the man!”. Total: -6.9! Who could think of hashit on a night like this? It must have been given to Async but your scribe, suffused with the glow of his memories, cannot recall. Some fine singing, sips of beer, and good cheer predominated. The circle ended on a mellow note.

Not trusting the ability of the hasher to maintain their good behaviour at Barrington’s only restaurant (the Kozy Kitchen), the hare recommended a trip to Warren to The Tinker’s Nest. They all made it out of Barrington safely to Tinkers, where there are still no shamus and ‘where everybody knows your name’. [Actually, this is because the place always seems to empty out as soon as the hash arrives. I can’t think why.]  They enjoyed wings and cheeseburgers (Monday Night Special $1.00), and Trinity IPA on tap. The Jukebox played Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles, with some Moby and Bush for the younger set. The older crowd assembled their darts (Bottlesen Hammerheads, 5/16” - $77.99) and enjoyed the ambiance with a hot latte. This refined style of hashing seemed to suit the ‘new’ RIH3. Everyone called for more runs outside of the Glendale/Mark’s/Parente’s triad. It was agreed: “Today: Barrington! Tomorrow: East Greenwich!”

On On

The Preppie Dr WHO