Bondo Strikes Again!

Run: #875, February 3, 2003

Hare: Bondo
Scribe: Basket
Location: Woonsocket

The Run:

It’s such a shame that this hare has lost his creativity. He is over 50 now, and I suppose we should give him credit for longevity. Tonight’s trail was a Re-Hash of at least 5 previous events, all of which resulted in the hare setting trail the day before, walking leisurely along with his faithful hounds, sucking down a beer. Then, on the evening of the grand event, letting hashers fend for themselves, while he goes driving to the beer stop, without even so much of a drop of perspiration expended. Is it any wonder poor Jake has posted a few extra pounds these last few years, and let’s not even go near Bondo’s belly.

Here’s an example of him setting a hash in exactly the same location, but needing the help of his offspring. The trail was the same, but the cast changed:

No Co-Hare needed, Bone Head Fuwangi Boner played Rusty, Dr. WHO played Crisco Kid, WIPOS played Peter, Oozing Played Sajid, SESYB played Snotty, and NoOne could have played Gobble Gobble.

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Run # 552 December 30, 1996

Hare: Bondo Jovi and Jovi Juice

by Snot

The venue was Woonsocket and the attendance being quite respectable at ten including Bondo and Bondo junior (hare and co-hare), Basket, Async (returned from his posting), Rusty (Newport), Crisco Kid (Newport), Gobble Gobble, Peter (new boots), Sajid (new boots) and of course yours truly, Snot after missing last week because of Hewy and Ralph. (Cockney term for sick). Peter (new boots) was attracted to our running fraternity due to the article written in the Providence Journal on December 25 1996 by Tom Meade (alias Plume), “Harriettes” he had the nerve to call us, so I guess Peter was alarmed to see no females last night, only full blooded male Harriers although Sheilas are always welcome. He said the hash was “Modeled on the old English schoolboy game of hares and hounds” well I don’t know where you read that crap but in England this is no game based around school kids, but a big boys and girls game who would take great delight at shoving your plume where there is no blue ink and chasing you around the English country side shouting ‘tally ho’ if they ever read that article. The article was a bit vague on the facts not to mention the RIH3 web site was wrong. I think my dear Plume you owe us another article which I would be happy to help you with some accurate info. At the very least you should attend another run for a down down for your poor rendition. It’s no wonder we only got one inquiry.

Back to the run where the runners were equipped with very sexy running shorts one size fitted all (even yours truly got them around my large backside), no expense spared with the printing still hot off the press, a rare give away, but should be classified in the same realm as the condom-use once, throw away. But I am sure Basket will wash them to use again, or turn them inside out.

With all runners fully attired the off was at 6.45pm through a nice housing estate onto an old railway line or maybe it’s the new one the city is building-difficult to tell. Over a few roads with drivers agog at the fashionable new shorts we were sporting. With a few crafty checks catching out the FRB’s. The unusual part of this run was the co-hare who would shout out “this way you dickheads” at every check, the more experienced runners ignored this unusual behavior as the hare is normally a lying sack of shit. This hare however was a bit wet behind the ears and knew no better. Async and Rusty as always were out at the front and Basket was out there somewhere carving his own trail. Eventually the trail led us around Harris pond up to the beer stop, Basket appeared with a video of Lassie go Home which is a pornographic depiction of the Harriers chasing the Harriettes which Basket wants to give to the Plume. Basket as always entered into his accent which is a mix of Scottish, Irish, Cockney slang and Providence dribble. Never the less it was amusing as always. Basket is the first person in America to be rejected by every living psychiatrist which are the credentials required to run in RIH3.

The on back was a slog through forest where yours truly was leading the pack for a while because you other silly bastards went the wrong way and the co-hare sort of gave it away by saying “where the f*** are they going”. A neat idea was introduced for our blind runners (which includes all of you silly sods that missed the last check in the woods). Bondo carried the empties in his back pack and when he wobbled they clinked. All back except one of our new boots Sajid who incidently got lost trying to get to one of our other runs. Maybe a handle could come easily like ‘Lost Again’ or ‘Dickhead’. Gobble Gobble and yours truly went out searching for this virgin with no luck but returned to find Sajit supping a beer.

Circle was formed ratings for the run given with the exception of one (new boot) all thought the absence of shiggy was sinful, hence nothing more than a minus three was given which was about average for the year. Bondo junior liked the grog so much he kept his woolly hat (which his mum had knitted him for Xmas) on for a second drink and in true Russian style threw his mug across the garage, somebody should tell him it works better with glass. A new handle was suggested for Bondo junior by Douche Face who did not run on this occasion as his heart rate was beating normal at 72BPM which could have been risky. The handle of Jovi Juice was nominated and carried by the membership to which the recipient was duly baptized. Before the circle broke Newport Hash awarded Basket BB a mug which they charged him for, we can only guess it was to match the rest of his attire, two flashlights, two bugles now two mugs. (RIH3 mugs are now available at around $25 please submit orders to yours truly, alias Snot.)

Circle items completed we then retired to Bondo’s home for some brilliant soup and grog-a touch more pepper in the soup next time. The dynamic pool duo of Bondo and Snot beat everybody in sight, until the end when Bondo deliberately missed the black to allow Basket and Rusty their first win of the year- Rusty, you should get a partner that can shoot straight!

On-On

Snot (34th Run in RI)