Back on the East Side Hash

Run #884, March 24, 2003

Hare: WIPOS
Scribe: Dr. WHO
Location: India Point Park at the Brown Boathouse, Providence.
Weather: 20’s, clear.
Present: Oozing SD, SESYB*tch-B*tch-B*tch-B*tch-B*tch-B*tch-B*tch, Slasher Dr WHO, Basket Boom Boom, Bondo Jovi, Swallows My Pride, and hounds: Ben, Jake and Seamus.
Commemorating: The 14^th anniversary of the Exxon Valdez Oil spill.

The Run:

The hare had had so much fun with his little East Side jaunt 2 weeks prior that he decided to finish off his “Wanker’s Tour of the East side of Providence”. This was in spite of the Providence PD being on heightened alert from the mysterious appearance of pictures of Usama Bin Laden all over the place. With laziness worthy of that habitual recidivist the Raging Queen, he reset a generic trail through much overused territory. It still proved too complicated for the regulars to follow!

Promptly at 6:30, they began. Trail was found heading west across the ball fields in India Point Park. This pathetic excuse for shiggy was followed to the end. Basket ran down to the Community Boating docks. Oozing ran towards the Hot Club. Bondo begged scraps of osso buco for his dogs at Al Forno. Dr WHO found three isolated marks in an alleyway, and ran back and forth fruitlessly looking for a fourth. Another typical night at the hash. Finally, Oozing decided that as the hare had not moved past the footbridge across 195, that trail must lead that way. He called the rest and crossed, followed closely by Swallows My Pride and SESYB.

There was a check at the end of the bridge. Oozing went straight (now there’s a first!). SMP and SESYB went east following flour into Tockwotton Park. Unfortunately, SMP mistook a pile of sand on a stairway for a third mark, and called “On On!” just as Basket and Dr WHO crossed the bridge. They followed the sounds innocently and vocally, leading to some confusion (as well as the hurried and premature closure of a Portuguese Fish Market on Ives Street). Finally sorting things out, they all made their way back to the hare and continued west along 195 until they turned in to Wickenden St. Bondo Jovi was already there, watching Oozing dodging traffic on the Point Street Bridge.

Despite scanty use of flour, Dr WHO and Oozing found trail leading under the on-ramp to 195 to Waterplace Park. The hare should have saved this for a Waterfire night. But along the river they ran, wistfully looking at the shiggy at their left sides. Near the courthouse, there was some again some confusion. What a surprise! By the time the true trail was again found going up College Hill on George Street, the pack was together. Inconceivably, the hare decided not to take advantage of Brown Yard with all of its natural wonders (a Bear Check, a Marcus Aurelius outlook, political correctness requirements, inclusivity, etc.). The trail continued on pavement, east into the seedier parts of Fox Point. The hashers came to Governor Street. The hare once more found himself lost (as seems to be happening a lot these days). A half-mind is a terrible thing to waste. Finally, Dr WHO found trail to Gano and thence to the almost inevitable Providence Railroad Tunnel.

The pack split up here in desperate search for shiggy. Bondo, Dr. WHO, and Basket went into the adjacent playing fields, off trail but ultimately finding the On In trail near the railway bridge. Oozing, SESYB, and the Hare followed the true trail and made it to the beer check in a toxic waste dump north of bridge, missing some excellent shiggy that the others found as they finally backtracked it to the beer. While the beer was excellent and the site did have a certain ambience, there was no rotting seafood for the dogs to roll in. What a pity!

After finishing off the Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout, the group jogged back along the riverside of the playing fields, and emerged just next to a Providence Police patrol car. The occupant of said car did not seem in the least disturbed by the sight of six slightly muddy, strangely dressed hashers and three dogs emerging from the woods behind a baseball diamond. They were not detained! They went on their way! Your scribe protests! What is our tax money going for when the police ignore obviously deranged and dangerous characters skulking around in the middle of the night! Your scribe protests, again! Letters to the Journal will be written! At any rate, they ran back under 195 to the cars without incident. O, the shame of the cities!

A Circle was joined behind a bench in India Point Park. It was briefly interrupted with the arrival of more police, investigating the gathering. Basket told them that they were a running group, and were waiting for more runners to show up. They bought it completely. Pathetic! Your scribe is tempted to MOVE to BAGHDAD where at least there is SOME law and order! The ratings for the run were colored by the choice of beer at the beer check. This allowed the hare to escape with a +0.69 despite his abuse of pavement, lack of shiggy, lack of originality and poor personal hygiene. Hashit was given to your scribe out of sheer envy and jealousy for his obviously superior character and abilities. Religion ensued.

They moved on to the Red Bridge Tavern in East Providence for sustenance and if that couldn’t be found, at least something to eat. After some beer and some food, the group agreed that henceforth, hashing should be kept in the woods, where it belongs. They agreed that the beer should be of a quality equal to the hare’s choice this night. They agreed that a hash without Basket getting naked was a laudable goal (although not often achievable!). Finally, they decided that Bondo might indeed look better if he had some of his beard transplanted onto his scalp, and used eyeliner or Grecian Formula or something to make his hair and beard more manly or whatever.

On On

The Slasher Dr W.H.O.