Tidal Mud Wallow Hash

Run #887, April 14, 2003
Hare: Oozing & Trail Hoover
Scribe: Async
Location: East Greenwich
Weather: 60’s, clear.
Present: Oozing SD, Trail Hoover, Async, WIPOS, Slasher Dr WHO, Basket Boom Boom, Bondo Jovi, Hopeless, Tinker, Fuwangi Boner, Red Snapper, Bill the Beak.

The Run:

The first trail of the season with halfway decent weather brought out some of the Rhode Island Hash's finest backsliders. Bill the Beak took a break from his usual seat at the end of the Lil' Bear bar to join us in the parking lot of the East Greenwich Pub.    The Red Snapper managed to tear the apron off of Hopeless long enough to drag him out of the house and down to the start of the hash.   Tinker, having run out of both nurses and fresh body parts to reconstruct down at RI Hospital, joined the hash for the evening.<

The unusually large pack gathered in the dusty parking lot of the upscale E.G. Pub in the first sunlight seen by the RIH3 since last September.  (Theoretically, the week before in Smithfield was supposed to be the first post Daylights Savings Time run, but the hash gods punished Basket Boom Boom with an early spring snow storm.)    In his pre-run brief, Hare Oozing mumbled some incomprehensible nonsense in his usual Pakistani-Scottish-Rhode Island accent.   Fortunately, the lovely young Ms. Hoover translated on his behalf:  "Go north, laddies....and look for trail on the left.   Stay on the fuukin' trail or you'll miss the scenic beer checks.....".

The pack headed north on the Goddard PENISula, then left into Goddard State park.    A beeline across the freshly mowed lawns of the park led us into the wood and down to the shoreline.   An unusually high spring tide left little room along the shoreline between the hill and the water.   At a check at the water's edge,  Async foolishly headed due north along the shore, figuring the beer check would be at the usual spot at the end of the PENISula.    The hare even followed north to convince the gullible to head north also.    FRBs Fuwangi Boner and  Bondo found the true trail heading south along the shoreline.    The true trail went up the steep hill every now and then, but invariably headed back to the flooded shoreline.   At the end of the cove, the trail made a u-turn along the coves' shoreline and deep into a briar patch.   In order to follow trail, the hounds had a choice of getting wet or getting scratched.  Hopeless chose a third option.    Wanting neither wet shoes nor scratched legs, our fearless fire prevention officer headed straight over the small PENISula, bypassing the beer check.

The pack enjoyed a scenic beer check overlooking the cove.    Hashers took turns throwing large sticks, branches and trees into the frigid salt water for Ben to retrieve....in the hopes of drowning the obnoxious canine.      Once back on dry land, Ben exacted revenge by whacking hashers in the legs with the retrieved sticks.    Before the beer check was over, the pack noticed a high-speed Acela train hurtling northward in the distance.    "Gee, I wonder if Hopeless is over there somewhere....".

Back on trail, the pack followed the trail through the scrub and gnarled trees between the shore and the street.  Eventually, the flour led us up the embankment below the Amtrak tracks.   The trail wound its way along the edge of the railbed ballast and a fetid pool of water down below the embankment.   The truly foolish half-minds in the pack followed the trail across the stagnant pond scum.   The real trail led across the continuously welded rails of Amtrak's Northeast Corridor.  No sign of Hopeless' mangled remains.

In the fading daylight, the pack followed trail thru an industrial area and across Route 1 and into some wet shiggy.   Async managed to suck elder statesman Basket Boom Boom onto an obvious false trail on the opposite bank of a stream while the rest of pack headed west along the north bank of the river.  Following trail along the river, the pack soon found the second beer check at a waterfall below a local pond.   Ms. Hoover emerged from the woods dragging a cooler.

The pack circled up in the mist below the waterfall.   I don't remember too many details about the circle.     Let me take a stab at what probably happened.

Basket started things off by singing, "The Monks of St. Bernard....".     Hares in the Circle.   Hares Oozing and Hoover stood together in the circle for the rating of the run.   An unequivocal 6.9 from most participants.      A 10 on the Bondo scale.  No rating from the conspicuously absent Hopeless.  (Was he plastered on the front of a Boston-bound Amtrak locomotive?)  Backsliders were punished.    Bondo was awarded the hashit for reasons forgotten, but undoubtedly deserved.   Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

About half the pack elected to ride back to the onon at the EG Pub.   The rest ran across Route 1 in the dark.... dodging SUVs, Mercedes, and Beemers enroute to the local PTA meeting.

Back at the EG Pub parking lot, the wayward Hopeless was waiting with the Snapper.  He was heard mumbling some nonsense about having to sweet-talk an EG policeman out of a trespassing citation at the railroad tracks.  Me thinks he was taking advantage of a rare kids-free moment for a little fire hose play in the back of the truck with the Fergermeister......but then again, we know the red headed one has always preferred macho bankers.....

A delightful evening ensued in the lively East Greenwich Pub.     The lovely bartender cheerfully took breaks from a riveting episode of slug-eating washed-up celebrities on  "Fear Factor" to serve pitchers of some truly outstanding stouts, porters and ales to the Rhode Island Hash.   Hares Oozing and Hoover brought in several pizza pies.  Even a couple of veggie pizza pies suitable  for wimpy middle-aged ex-California hashers.    The quality of the on-on songs was greatly enhanced by the presence of the lusty sweet voice of the Snapper.

Ok, time for me to rate the run.  Medium length, halfway decent virgin shiggy, two bimbos, good singing, veggie pizza.  Points subtracted for the presence of Bondo, Basket and their hounds.   Points added back for Basket keeping his clothes on.   Points added for lots of old timers.    And lots of points for the delightful ambience of the on-on venue.       All in all, I give this run a "6.9" on the Async scale.

On On

Async