Rage Against the Machine Hash

Run #903, August 6, 2003

Hare: Raging QOB

Scribe: Async

Location: Wrentham, MA

Weather: Warm, 100% humidity, swarms of deer flies

Present: Async, Bondo, Dr WHO, SESYB, WIPOS, Birdbrain,  Basket Boom Boom, Oozing, Fuwangi Boner, Swallows My Pride, Shine On, Seamus, Just Josh, Just Ted

The Run:

Hare Raging was clearly looking for redemption on this Hash.   He served nuthin' but copious quantities of Guiness Stout for the pre-run lubrication, beer check, and circle.  Async was suspicious.   Could this lowlife transplant from Connecticut have somehow filled said Guiness bottles with Miller Lite?  Nope, it smelled like Guinness, tasted like Guinness.  Hell, even Seamus enjoyed the brew!

We had expected a large crowd from the Boston Hash, given all the whining about directions in the days leading up to the Hash.  Unfortunately, only Shine On and one of her many boyfriends from BH3 (Just Ted) showed up.   Perhaps the Brahmin yuppies had advance word that no lite beer would be served.   But Shine On's many RI boyfriends welcomed her anyway.    It's been months since Ms. Moon has shattered car windows with her signature high-pitched squeal "ARRRE YOUUUUU?"

After a hurried explanation of Raging hash marks, the pack took off up towards the AT& T microwave tower.   The trail looped over and down into the gully behind the tower and into the woods.    At this point your scribe is unable to describe the trail.   Async made the fatal mistake of trying to use more than half a brain and boogied directly over to Wolf Rocks...No beer check.  A quick jaunt down to the waterfall.... No water and no beer check.   A dash up the motorbike trail to the trail shelter.....no beer check.     Back up to the start, back down the on-in road, back again....no beer check.   Hey, wait a minute!   What's that?   Hare Raging had thoughtfully left a cooler filled with Guiness in the back of his pick-up truck.   Yahoo!   Time to chill out and swat a few deer flies.

The second and third wankers to wander back to the start were Bondo and Basket. They grabbed a Guinness or two and joined Async in swatting  flies in the dusk of the parking lot.   The rest of the pack began to stagger in....with varying tales of beer checks, shiggy and lost Pakistanis.   We circled up in spite of missing a few wayward hashers.   After completing a long circle,  Swallows, Just Ted and Birdbrain arrived back at the dark start in some sort of high-jacked SUV (actually driven by Just Ted's son).

We broke tradition and re-activated the sacred ritual of the Hash Circle to punish the auto-hashers and backsliders.    Shine On administered the new boot initiation ceremony for Just Ted.

Ratings for the run were on the high side.   Raging received high marks, in no particular order,  for copious shiggy, quality bimbos, decent beer for a change, and losing Basket and Bondo.

In a familiar ritual for this hare, the on-on restaurant kitchen closed early, so the pack took off for Chieftan's or BoxSeats or Bondo's garage, or parts unknown.   You see, once again, Async failed to fulfill his scribe duties.    Back at the start, he lost his  "Club" key.      You know the "Club".  It's that silly thing one attaches to a steering wheel to slow down the little pricks who might try to steal the car.   There he was....in the woods, no club key, no flashlight, just the interior light of the car and a cellphone.   Damn.   Earlier in the evening, Async had lectured to others about the value of a "hide-a-key!"

A call of desperation to Basket.   In a moment of weakness and compassion for a fellow hasher, Basket did a U-turn on Route 1 and headed back to the start to help Async.   A few minutes later, the key was found; another call to Basket, "Thanks, anyway!".

Basket took off after the pack in search of an on-on; Async followed shortly thereafter, but couldn't find the on-on.  Oh well.

Moral of the story:  Keep your club in your pants, your keys in your pocket, and your Guinness in your pick-up.  Or something like that..

 

On On

Async