Bondo Jovi Presents: "Presidents on Ice!" Hash
Run #931 February 16, 2004
Hare: Bondo Jovi
Location: Stump Pond (Stillwater Reservoir), Smithfield
Weather: 20's, Clear
Present: Dr WHO, Oozing SD, SESYB, WIPOS, Basket Boom Boom, Snotty, Seamus, Ben, Jake.
Commemorating: President's Day, and Bondo actually setting a run outside of Woonsocket.
The Run:
For the third week in a row, the RIH3 descended upon the hapless Smithfield power lines. And
Bondo Jovi, the hare, set his longest run in a decade. They gathered at the parking lot of a fishing area just
south of Box Seats, expecting the worst. They knew what they were getting themselves into.
Bondo was hare. They showed up anyways. Promptly at 6:30 they were off, south on the reservoir berm, crossing
the Woonasquatucket at the dam and then turning east across the road on the south bank of the frozen river.
Along the river, a pair of checks scattered the hashers into groups crossing the stream carefully, north on the creaking
ice, on at least two falsies. But Basket followed the river east and found true trail
leading south on the infamous power lines. He was joined by WHO (who returned from a brief
but terrifying river ice crossing that led to no marks on the northbound power lines). The rest fell well behind the FRBs.
WHO and Basket worked together, mastering the trail with an
ease that few hashers could even hope to approach. But, the brain-damaged yet intrepid Basket had a poorly-conceived
notion that he owed something to the visiting Snotty. After he and
WHO had crossed both Capron Road and the Farnum Pike on the power lines, he decided to wait to guide the stragglers.
Dr WHO continued and turned west on a small path off the lines.
Trail led towards the condos at the south end of the Pond. Before reaching the parking area, the unusually frequent flour
marks veered off to the right. Dr WHO found himself bushwhacking to a small bluff overlooking
the Police Station. A bizarre mark was found. This was a large blob of flour formed into something like a stunted palm tree
in a hurricane rendered by a drunken Picasso on speed. (It was later learned that this represented a bonfire.) Next to this
was a "B". An arrow pointed down to the pond. When followed by line of site, a pinpoint of light from a fire
could be seen in the ice of the northern end of the pond, a mile away. Oh, great!
By the time the stragglers arrived, there was no sign of WHO, except for the distant sounds of
thuds followed by profanities, as he slipped and fell on the ice. The hashers uneasily ran towards the flame, wincing at
the frequent vibrations and loud thundering noises of the settling pond. They were particularly conscious that they were
running over icy water, 12 to 30 feet in depth. They were following in the footsteps of both
Bondo Jovi and Dr WHO (hashers with a combined weight equivalent to a mid-sized
Japanese sedan). But the ice held (perhaps unfortunately for the state of Rhode Island, the town of Smithfield, and the RI
power grid).
They gathered around a fire made by the hare from scraps of mahogany flooring (too cheap to buy actual wood!) and had some
Bondo Brew. It was going well, until it was realized that the lazy hare had combined the Beer Check with the circle!
Infamy! This is the same as completely skipping the Beer Check! (And after all, the BC is the only reason most hashers show
up in the first place.) But the cars were visible from the ice, and no one felt like putting up with anymore foolishness
from the hare. Surprisingly, ratings were favorable, possibly due to the shock of Bondo
setting a run longer than 400 yards, and actually using more than 10 oz of flour. 6.9! But, in retribution Hashit was given
to said Bondo, for lack of a BC and for invoking the no-hashit-to-the-hare rule. (There are NO
rules!)
On On On was at Box Seats. The hashers were the only occupants. They were seated nonetheless at an isolated table far in
the back. The management was very solicitous of the group’s well-being, but made sure to keep the young and pretty
waitresses occupied elsewhere. Another disquieting ending to another Monday night. They ate, they drank. No songs, no
inappropriate behavior, no nudity! We need some new blood.
On On