Bondo Jovi Presents: "Presidents on Ice!" Hash

Run #931  February 16, 2004

Hare: Bondo Jovi

Location: Stump Pond (Stillwater Reservoir), Smithfield

Weather: 20's, Clear

Present: Dr WHO, Oozing SD, SESYB, WIPOS, Basket Boom Boom, Snotty, Seamus, Ben, Jake.

Commemorating: President's Day, and Bondo actually setting a run outside of Woonsocket.

The Run:

For the third week in a row, the RIH3 descended upon the hapless Smithfield power lines. And Bondo Jovi, the hare, set his longest run in a decade. They gathered at the parking lot of a fishing area just south of Box Seats, expecting the worst. They knew what they were getting themselves into. Bondo was hare. They showed up anyways. Promptly at 6:30 they were off, south on the reservoir berm, crossing the Woonasquatucket at the dam and then turning east across the road on the south bank of the frozen river.

Along the river, a pair of checks scattered the hashers into groups crossing the stream carefully, north on the creaking ice, on at least two falsies. But Basket followed the river east and found true trail leading south on the infamous power lines. He was joined by WHO (who returned from a brief but terrifying river ice crossing that led to no marks on the northbound power lines). The rest fell well behind the FRBs. WHO and Basket worked together, mastering the trail with an ease that few hashers could even hope to approach. But, the brain-damaged yet intrepid Basket had a poorly-conceived notion that he owed something to the visiting Snotty. After he and WHO had crossed both Capron Road and the Farnum Pike on the power lines, he decided to wait to guide the stragglers. Dr WHO continued and turned west on a small path off the lines.

Trail led towards the condos at the south end of the Pond. Before reaching the parking area, the unusually frequent flour marks veered off to the right. Dr WHO found himself bushwhacking to a small bluff overlooking the Police Station. A bizarre mark was found. This was a large blob of flour formed into something like a stunted palm tree in a hurricane rendered by a drunken Picasso on speed. (It was later learned that this represented a bonfire.) Next to this was a "B". An arrow pointed down to the pond. When followed by line of site, a pinpoint of light from a fire could be seen in the ice of the northern end of the pond, a mile away. Oh, great!

By the time the stragglers arrived, there was no sign of WHO, except for the distant sounds of thuds followed by profanities, as he slipped and fell on the ice. The hashers uneasily ran towards the flame, wincing at the frequent vibrations and loud thundering noises of the settling pond. They were particularly conscious that they were running over icy water, 12 to 30 feet in depth. They were following in the footsteps of both Bondo Jovi and Dr WHO (hashers with a combined weight equivalent to a mid-sized Japanese sedan). But the ice held (perhaps unfortunately for the state of Rhode Island, the town of Smithfield, and the RI power grid).

They gathered around a fire made by the hare from scraps of mahogany flooring (too cheap to buy actual wood!) and had some Bondo Brew. It was going well, until it was realized that the lazy hare had combined the Beer Check with the circle! Infamy! This is the same as completely skipping the Beer Check! (And after all, the BC is the only reason most hashers show up in the first place.) But the cars were visible from the ice, and no one felt like putting up with anymore foolishness from the hare. Surprisingly, ratings were favorable, possibly due to the shock of Bondo setting a run longer than 400 yards, and actually using more than 10 oz of flour. 6.9! But, in retribution Hashit was given to said Bondo, for lack of a BC and for invoking the no-hashit-to-the-hare rule. (There are NO rules!)

On On On was at Box Seats. The hashers were the only occupants. They were seated nonetheless at an isolated table far in the back. The management was very solicitous of the group’s well-being, but made sure to keep the young and pretty waitresses occupied elsewhere. Another disquieting ending to another Monday night. They ate, they drank. No songs, no inappropriate behavior, no nudity! We need some new blood.

On On