Back to Burrillville, Part I

Run #945, May 24, 2004

Hare: Basket Boom Boom, subbing for the wankerette Swallows My Pride.

Location: Burrillville Middle School

Weather: High 60’s, cloudy with thunder and a downpour at the on on on.

Present: Polly (Dublin H3), The Slasher Dr W.H.O., Fuwangi Boner, Bondo Jovi, WIPOS, Mr Whipple, Ben, Jake, Seamus.

The Run:

It was the second week in a row for hashing in the town of Burrillville (The Place To Be in the 21^st Century!). [Note: The cost of Public Services is rapidly rising in this town and it is expected that the tax rate in Glendale will go up at least 9% to cover the recent rash of calls to the police complaining of foul-smelling and rude trespassers.] The hare actually stepped up to the plate at the last minute for the absent Swallows My Pride (who has some ill-conceived notions about work, responsibility, life, etc.). So perhaps the lack of originality can be excused. Polly from Dublin H3 was first to arrive, and parked in the center of the Middle school lot, trying to pick up soccer moms and wayward girls. He was soon joined by the rest, and the hare emerged with instructions for the run.

Trail began behind the school, heading northwest into the woods. The marks were frequent, and the checks were obvious as the pack curved around through a marshy area west to the banks of the Branch River. But the hare had not chosen to repeat one of his multiple stream-crossing extravaganzas, and apart from a brief loop falsie into to river, there was no need to get feet wet. Fuwangi led, with WHO, WIPOS and the hare. Polly and Mr Whipple were guilty of one of hashing’s most fundamental errors: they stuck with Bondo.

The eastern banks were followed as the river and the trail curved back southwest. A check on Rt 102 was easily mastered and the lead pack crossed just east of Bella’s Restaurant and turned east briefly on Victory Highway. They re-entered the woods past a familiar landowner’s house. When Bondo emerged however, he scented Snake Hill Road, and decided to bypass the BC. He led Mr Whipple straight to the hare’s home, where they began drinking in earnest, and eating chips and salsa in the company of Dogmeat. He’s not as dumb as he looks.

The lead pack meanwhile had crossed through the woods to a dirt road near the powerlines where the beer check was found. The mosquitoes were fierce, but were needless to say stymied by WIPOS’s multilayered environmental protection. Polly had caught up, and had declined bug-repellant at the start. He lured most of the pests away from WHO and Fuwangi.

After enjoying some Trinity IPA, they resumed trail, through the side yard of a foolish homeowner (who had assumed that the expensive security gate at the end of his driveway would offer some protection from intruders. Not in Burrillville (The Place To Hash in the 21^st Century!) as long as Basket lives there! ). Leaving the hare to deal with this slightly irate but confused man, the pack continued west and emerging on Snake Hill Road, turned south to #290, and the SCBs.

The circle was joined, and the run rated. A substitute hare, no Bondo at the beer check, and mosquito bites were not enough to outweigh the lack of shiggy, the unfortunately good weather, and the short trail: 0.69. Polly was brought in as visitor, and for the first time ever, did NOT sing the wanker song. Unfortunately, Mr Whipple did. Hashit to Bondo for being Bondo.

Completing the circle, they ate hot dogs and sausages, and drank beer, made all the more tasty because no one had their wallet and so did not pay for the evening. Lightning started, along with a torrential monsoon which would have been ideal if it had occurred on trail. But this did not stop another attempt at the world record for hash songs. This is two weeks in a row where the time singing after the circle exceeded the time spent on trail by at least two-fold. Some serious vocal cord damage may have occurred. But this might be a good thing.

On On