Basket’s Half-A-Hash

Run #950, 28 June, 2004

Hare: Basket Boom Boom

Location: Gators, Rt 102, North Smithfield

Weather: Low 70’s, partly cloudy

Present: Dr W.H.O., Fuwangi Boner, Tinker, Oozing S.D., SESYB, Seamus.
Non-Runners: Bondo Jovi,. Jake, Ben, Dogmeat, Just Big Sh*t, Several small children and their mother.

The Run:

Yet again, last-minute confusion as to the identity of the hare led to a pathetic trail, with a pathetic group of no-life wankers showing up, their pathetic little lives brightening up momentarily at the thought of a decent hash. Ha! The hare has so overused this area that there really was no point in showing up at all. But try to tell these morons WHO turn up week after week!

Your scribe had reverted to summary form to describe this trail, but when it was finished, it didn’t even make a complete sentence. It’ll have to described in some tortuous detail, to even make a paragraph. That’s the kind of trail this was! Starting from Gator’s on Rt 102, they gathered and watched the beach volleyball being played next to the parking lot. Thankfully, no visitors came, to bear witness to what was to follow. The hare arrived, and they set out slightly late, at 6:45, through a new house excavation in the back of the parking lot.

Ok, then. They circled up back at the… Allright, allright! There was a BIT more! But you know when even Bondo is too smart to come out, it must be bad. The trail led west on Main Street on the small causeway over the last of the Slatersville Reservoirs. It soon turned north into the woods, where it went uphill on a dirt road, then had a few checks that fooled no one. There was a fallen log. There were some thorns. One tree had a squirrel’s nest in it. SESYB saw a chipmunk. There was a stone wall in bad repair. WHO and Fuwangi easily led as they turned northeast. There were some more briars. But no one got cut. Tinker stopped to smell some wild lilacs. There were lots of old leaves on the ground.

They came out on Northwood Lane. This street had several houses on it. Some of them were nice. Mostly three or four bedroom, probably. I think there was a fire hydrant, too. They then emerged on North Main, headed for Pacheco Park. “BN” was sighted across Main Street by an old Mill, and trail led to the reservoir side of the canal after crossing a small bridge. There was a chain link fence near the bridge. And a nice bench. But it had bird sh*t on it. Too bad.

There were several potential dam crossings here. One went right. One was straight. But trail ended. There were lots of bushes at the last flour mark, though. They all gathered, dry shoes and all. Dr WHO was not sweaty. Seamus had no froth. Tinker’s hips felt great. Oozing’s knee was fine. SESYB hadn’t needed her gaiters, after all. The hare produced some beer. They had their beer. They used really small cups. Each of them had at least four or five beers. But they were real small. They finished their beer. They turned back out to Main Street and ran the hard pavement back to the cars. Tinker was garlanded with some fluorescent Road workers tape that SESYB found. He looked really funny. They all laughed. Dr WHO had to take a leak from all that beer. He pretended to find trail up to the reservoir, and whizzed into the water. The water in Woonsocket may taste funny next week. They reached their cars. The volleyball players had scored at least seven points since the hash set out, but had not finished their set.

Ok, then. They circled up back at the hare’s house. The run had only one positive comment: Bondo had not bothered to show up. This was significant enough to make the rating a solid 0! Hashit went to not one, not two, but three! Basket, Oozing, and Bondo were all found to be guilty for the trail: one for setting, one for not setting, and one for skipping the ordeal altogether (as well as for subjecting small children to the influences of Oozing and Dr WHO).

Finally, they were able to enjoy a fine barbequed meal of sausages and beans, courtesy of Dogmeat. They were even able to linger well into the evening, with all that extra time on their hands. No one jumped into the pool. But they stood around and looked at Basket’s fountain a lot. Fuwangi was back in Cumberland before the liquor stores closed, and started drinking for real. Oozing and SESYB made the early show of “Fahrenheit 9/11”. Tinker was back in Wickford in time to watch the reruns of “Sabrina the Teenaged Witch” and WHO made it to Tiverton in time to water the lawn before bed. Bondo passed out on the couch, his grandkids giggling at his snores. But just wait till next week!

On On