Metaphysical Conversation In Cumberland Hash

Run # 954, July 24, 2004

Hare: Fuwangi Boner

Location: Mendon Road Near CVS, Northwest Cumberland

Weather: 70’s, Cloudy but dry

Present: Bondo Jovi, Dr WHO, Tinker, Visitor: Anti-Cock (HVH3), Basket Boom Boom. Seamus, Jake, Ben.

The Run:

Encroaching on the territory of the sacred Bodhisattva, the hare from Cumberland set trail from a Physical Fitness Center on Mendon Road near the Woonsocket line. WHO, Tinkerand Bondo had a beer while waiting. A visitor from Happy Valley, Anti-Cock joined the group. [His decision to hash with the RIH3 was obviously the result of a peculiar derangement occurring after eating too many “mushrooms” at a lesbian faculty party at one of the Seven Sisters. But I digress.] Basket ruined the evening again. He arrived. The Fitness Center was busy. The group watched as a series of cars and SUVs pulled up near the hashers. Girls in tight athletic outfits would get out, and glance over at them in curiosity. But the hash’s hopes for some metaphysical conversations were dashed again and again as the girls turned away (usually with a little snigger) and went inside. When it became clear that no one else was stupid enough to join the group, they were off on a trail at the back of the parking lot.

Trail led north, then generally northwest. WHO took an early lead, only to find a long metaphysical check-back that regrouped the hashers. The trails were overgrown and dry. Flour marks led to frequent annoying zig-zags. But there was no real shiggy. Before long, Basket as usual struck out on his own, heading west. Tinker was given inside info by hare, and therefore became twice as lost. More metaphysical conversation. His artificial hips lead to the tendency to walk in clockwise circles, while Basket’s loss of sight in one eye forces him to walk in counter-clockwise circles. Thus the two met, ultimately joining forces to try and find trail. [The sight of these two wandering aimlessly through the woods led by the long-suffering Seamus, would bring pity even to the heart of the most ruthless Iraqi terrorist or Nazi War criminal. But I digress.]

Bondo was first out of the woods, on trail on Highland Corporate Dr. However, he was stymied by a check and wandered southeast on some powerlines, holding a metaphysical conversation with himself. [This only took a minute or two. It was a small conversation. Not much meat to it. But I digress.] WHO and AC emerged, and with hints from the hare, trail was found on the powerline heading northwest. It was straightforward from this point, and as they ran along, in the distance they could just hear Basket’s horn as he and Tinker went further and further into Woonsocket. Trail was led by Dr WHO. They turned northeast on the powerlines at the branch point, and crossing back over the far side of the Highland Industrial Park loop, they found the beer check by a overflow holding pond.

The beer was opened. They sat on the concrete access shaft for the pump station, and talked while occasionally whistling to see if the lost elders could be brought back to the fold. Sure enough, with the beer almost finished, Tinker and Basket showed up, with the usual dramatic tales of virgin trail, missed opportunities, and fine hashmanship on the part of Basket. No one was listening. They were figuratively being subjected to more metaphysical conversation. The dogs decided to swim in the distinctly stagnant and noisome waters of the holding pond. They then thoughtfully climbed the embankment up to the hashers to shake off. This was sufficient excuse to call it quits and hit the trail back.

Marks were found leading southwest on the loop road, and then cutting through the woods south of CVS. They were all together briefly. But at the check on Highland Corporate Dr, Basket, Bondo and Tinker decided to retrace the marks through the woods, while WHO and AC, led by the hare, made the mistake of taking the true trail. Yet another metaphysical conversation! This was several miles of pavement: down the loop road, then left on Mendon back to the start. Footsore, coughing from the traffic fumes, and dripping from the heat, they limped into the parking lot to see Basket, Bondo and Tinker resting easily in the cool shade by the cars. Wonderful!

They circled up behind the fitness center. Marks were poor and the hare couldn’t even get much mileage out of Basket’s loss as he still made the beer check. Lousy weather, no shiggy, no bimbos from the fitness center, and Basket AND Bondo at the BC: total score was -69! Hashit went to the hare for non-trail related crimes against nature and humanity, along with excessive metaphysical conversations with Granola Balls of the NH3!

On On On was at Tucks, and the visitor, fully recovered from psilocybin toxicity, wisely begged off. The group was well-behaved, although the discussion became quite heated with Basket stirring up a political debate beginning with the upcoming Presidential election and ultimately leading to questions of the existence of God and the reality of Natural Law. The evening thus was ended with a final metaphysical conversation.

On On