Tinker’s Charlestown Hash

Run # 965, October 4, 2004

Hare:  Tinker

Location:  Francis C. Carter Preserve, Charlestown

Weather:  60’s, Clear

Present:  Async, Oozing SD, SESYB, Dr WHO, Bondo Jovi, Basket Boom Boom, WIPOS, PW, Just PW’s Friend, Seamus, Ben. Virgins: Just Sarah, Just Bert [Your scribe apologizes for his confusion with names, but he’s a wanker, and has a short attention span after 6 PM.]

The Run:

Starting from a small parking area maintained by the Nature Conservancy off Carolina Back Road (Rt 112), the laws of man and nature alike were violated immediately with the arrival of the hashers. Two virgins made their appearance independently against all reason. Courageous? Maybe. Stupid? Definitely! All were soon to regret their rash behavior.

Trail led straight out into the Preserve, heading northwest. A few checks led to some pointless bushwhacks to the right and left of the single trail. The newcomers and Basket obliged by checking these out. There was no appreciable shiggy, although a small dry stream was crossed. It was soon clear to Async and Dr WHO that keeping on trail and ignoring the checks was the way to go. As such, in less time than it has taken to write this paragraph, they followed trail curving back south west to the hare’s car and the beer check on the Narragansett Trail.

The rest of the runners gradually trickled in. Basket made it in. Bondo did not get lost. And after the beer was delivered from the hare’s trunk, a new light was seen approaching on the trail. The news couldn’t have been worse! PW had returned for the second time in less than a month. (And brought a friend who had hashed with the RIH3 at least once before, but who concealed his name from your scribe for no doubt excellent reasons.) The situation called for strong action. So singing started. The newcomers were impressed with the harmonies of the Little Bird Song.

There were now three choices: a) trail east would lead back to Rt 112, and the cars, b) the hare indicated that true trail led west, beyond the gate on the Old Mill Road, or c) the beer was in the trunk of the hare’s car, and showed no signs of budging. Naturally, most made the wrong decision, and continued on trail. One might think that the preceding ¾ of a mile of trail would have been enough, but no! Words come to mind. Intrepid! Fearless! Adventuresome! Moronic!

Trail then continued slightly north of west on the dirt road. A check led left with alternatives to the right and straight causing dispersion of the pack. Oozing found an arrow into the woods and, followed by one of the virgins, Dr WHO, Bondo and Async, they went off on a merry bushwhack through a pine grove filled with downed trees, briars and poison ivy. Meanwhile, SESYB continued straight and took a right on the now paved road. She followed the crashing, cracking and cursing sounds from the safety of this road but she soon turned into the woods to join the main group. Basket and WIPOS found the exit arrow on the road and returned east to a check by the powerlines. They now had trouble finding trail again. What a surprise!

The confusion allowed time to regroup, and mill about aimlessly. The check was finally mastered by Dr WHO, realizing that the eastward trail on the powerlines had to lead back. The first mark was found finally, 400yds up the powerlines, and all were called on trail. The path climbed to the top of a 170ft hill, and began to descend. Dr WHO heard a sneeze in the woods to his left. He still didn’t have sense enough to turn that way at the next check: the intersection of the Narragansett Trail and Old Mill Road. He and Basket continued straight while the rest dealt more successfully with the challenge.

Ultimately, a back check was discovered. WHO returned to the sounds of the whistles. Basket continued straight. The group turned on its heels and soon came to the hare’s car. The hare was there. PW was there, with his friend. The beer was there, but considerably reduced by the attentions of the three non-participants. Basket continued straight. The few remaining beers were being guarded for the circle, so it was with some impatience that the group awaited his return. Oozing realized with a start that he was back at the original beer check. Talk about short attention spans! Basket finally turned around and came back.

The circle was joined. Ratings for the run: no shiggy, too long, lousy weather, PW arriving, beer shortage, and lack of checks were balanced by virgins, including a bimbo, a good and completely unnecessary bushwhack, and no North-South Trail. Total: -0.69! Hashit went from Bondo to Basket to Bondo again. WHO doesn’t know why (or care). On On On was at the Wood River Inn, a pleasant change from Marks for the hashers (although NOT for the Wood River Inn). Both virgins guaranteed to return. We’ll believe it when we see it. But if they do, the scribe will get their names right, and they can see their names go into history as part of the RIH3. [Tip: Don’t think about running for major office if the scribe gets your name right.]

On On