Reservoir Dogs in Woonsocket
Run #967, October 18, 2004
Hare: Fuwangi “the Kid” Boner
Location: Bernon Heights Elementary School, Woonsocket
Weather: low 50’s, Clear
Present: “Cash” Async, Bondo “Cuffs” Jovi, WHO “the Knife”, “Hips” Tinker, Oozing “Jihad” SD, SESYB “the Moll”, Basket “Slippery Bill” Boom Boom, Seamus “the Shamus”, and Ben “the Snitch”. Visiting: Flounder “the Cheesemaker”, Waukesha, H3.
The Run:
The following are excerpts from the Woonsocket Police Evening Report, from October 18, 2004. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
18:15 – Call received from parents at Bernon Elementary School regarding a gathering of suspicious individuals at the lower parking lot. An unusual odor was noted. A loud and obnoxious Chocolate Labrador Retriever was present and apparently unleashed. A Patrol Car was dispatched.
18:35 – Patrol arrived at School. No suspicious activity was noted. No dogs were seen. However, the patrolman noted several cars bearing a “foot” symbol.
Note: These have been previously sighted at numerous disturbances in the city of Woonsocket before, usually in the North End. It has been theorized that this foot is the symbol for an eccentric group of French-Canadian Chiropodists. This has not been established as fact to date.
18:47 – Call received from a resident of Logee St regarding suspicious individuals running past her home. In particular, a man described as “looking just like that Osama Bin Laden character” was seen running with some sort of black box next to his ear. Although this citizen has made similar calls in the past, the decision was made to upgrade our local terrorism alert status to “Condition Yellow” and send two patrol cars to the area. The first patrol to the seen took a statement from the citizen, and interviewed some of the neighbors. They confirmed her story. The running suspects were generally heading south on the roads. The neighbors noted that with their passage there had been considerable noise consisting of whistles, shouts and trumpet calls. There was a question of some flatulence. A loud and obnoxious Chocolate Labrador Retriever was present. In addition, one citizen had gone out to investigate some shouts of profanity. The perpetrator was gone, but she discovered several circles of a suspicious white powder on some street corners.
Note: While these strange markings have been seen in the past (again, usually in the North End and towards Blackstone, MA), the patrol investigating felt sufficient cause to activate the HazMat team, and to quarantine the neighborhood.
19:02 – Call received from the Water Board Patrol Officer, who had been making his rounds prior to heading home, and noted a disturbance along the Providence and Worcester Railroad tracks. Some individuals and lights were noted heading south towards the Water Treatment Plant, (a restricted area under local, state and federal guidelines). One individual, described as a threatening and angry appearing white male, overweight, with a gray beard and a headlight, was questioned by the officer. This resulted in the suspect using profane language. The suspect was accompanied by a loud and obnoxious Chocolate Labrador Retriever. Some flatulence was definitely present. The Water Officer wisely judged discretion to be his safest course. He retreated to notify the police.
Note: The Desk Sergeant noted the near-simultaneous appearance of possibly connected disturbances in this area. The Captain and the Chief of Police were called. It was decided to notify the state authorities and to upgrade our readiness to “Condition Orange”. All patrol units were placed on alert, and instructed to respond if needed. Several units of the State Police were diverted (from recently mandated Monday night surveillance activity at various segments of the North-South Trail) and brought into the area.
19:21 – Call received from Squad Car on Route 126 north of the Route 99 overpass. Lights were sighted in deep woods heading up stream draining from Woonsocket Reservoir No. 2. Trumpet calls, whistles and loud and obnoxious barking accompanied the lights in the woods. A strange and unpleasant odor was noted. Dispatch told officer to hold in position until the Water Board Patrol Officer could join him. They were then instructed to proceed in vehicles up the access road to the pumping station, and investigate.
Note: The frequency and suspicious nature of these calls was judged to justify extreme measures. Credible evidence of a major impending terrorist threat was clearly present. Homeland Security was notified. National Guard Units in Worcester were loaded into Armored Transports, and moved into Blackstone and Millville MA. Four F-16 jets were scrambled from Otis Air Force Base, and positioned over airports at Boston, MA, Providence, RI, Worcester, MA and Manchester, NH. “Condition Red” was activated.
19:32 – Call received from patrolman at scene of disturbance, on access road along Reservoir No.2. Patrolman and Water Board Patrol Officer arrived in separate vehicles to investigate lights and noises. No suspects were discovered at first, just a loud and obnoxious Chocolate Labrador Retriever. This animal however, eventually led to the discovery of an aging and suspicious male Caucasian, overweight and with a gray beard, hiding in some bushes near the Pumping Station. Flatulence was encountered. The patrolman drew his weapon, and demanded that said individual surrender and control his loud and obnoxious animal. The suspect complied. He was placed in handcuff restraints and seated in the patrolman’s vehicle while back-up was called.
Note: The patrolman clearly would have been justified in the use of extreme force in this instance. It is to his credit that he did not in fact decide to use pepper gas or nightstick on this individual. During “Condition Red” containment is essential. The Desk Sergeant requested frequent updates and recommended that the patrolman keep his Nuclear/Biological/Chemical “MOPP” gear in readiness.
19:47 – Call received from patrolman at scene of disturbance at Reservoir No. 2. After restraining the previously mentioned individual, two other male suspects emerged from the woods, claiming to be runners out for a recreational jog. The patrolman judged from their ages and physiques that this was an unlikely story, and called for further back-up. While sorting out these individuals, additional suspects (four male and one female) made their way out of the woods, claiming to be a part of the same group. They were placed in a line under the patrol car spotlights. The individual already restrained was left in place in the car. He appeared to be the most dangerous and least controllable. Certainly, the most flatulent.
The others were questioned. One individual of possible Arab or Middle Eastern decent was carrying a black box, similar to those used for remote detonations of large explosive devices. But upon closer investigation, it was shown to be a transistor radio, tuned to the Red Sox-Yankees game. The suspect was in fact unable to name the St Louis pitcher in the ’67 World Series. He was singled out as exceptionally suspicious. Another individual, the sole female of the group, had a hidden earpiece attached to an inconspicuous wire, possibly receiving instructions from other members of the cell. But this also was tuned to the Red Sox-Yankees game. She was able to list the number of home runs Carl Yazstremski hit in the same series. However the patrolman knew (from extensive viewing of World War II movies) that knowledge of baseball is not a guarantee of patriotism. He questioned them further about their reasons for violating the law.
Most of the group gave the same story: they were a group that meets on Mondays to go running in the woods. One individual in particular described their group’s activities in detail, convicting them as it were, out of his own mouth. But as the Miranda rights had not been yet given, none of this would be admissible evidence. The loud and obnoxious dog continued to harass the officer until his owner was released.
Note: The rookie patrolman had controlled the situation, but had not the experience to realize that a group of this sort, aged and in poor physical condition would not likely be exercising in the woods at night. Clearly, this was some sort of cult activity, possibly sexual in nature. But there was no overt evidence of terrorist intentions, so the dispatch at HQ downgraded to “Condition Orange”.
19:55 – Call from the Patrol Supervisor at scene of disturbance at Reservoir No. 2. Four units had been dispatched. As they approached, a lone runner was incidentally noted running north on Route 126, accompanied by a large dog. The dog was not barking, and there was no overt evidence of flatulence, although the runner did appear to have a very large wet patch on the front of his shorts. It was decided to report this incident but to continue to the scene of the disturbance.
A total of five units were now present at the scene. Questioning of the eight suspects continued. The group held to their story of being a running club. One younger individual claimed to have been the instigator of their routes this evening. He demonstrated with a white powder how markings were left for the others to follow. His backpack was discovered and in fact did contain some powdery substance similar in appearance to cooking flour. An empty bottle of Guinness Stout was uncovered. The suspect seemed surprised that the officers did not understand how one could run and then have a beer and then run again. One officer discovered a mark in flour: “BC”. This apparently means “Back Check” and is an instruction for the runners to turn back from that mark. Why they had not, was unclear, both to the questioning officers and the runners themselves.
Because the explanations were getting too complex and appeared to be irrelevant at best and malodorous at worst, it was decided to take names and addresses. In the final judgment of the supervisor, nothing substantially dangerous could conceivably result from this group. Once the interrogation was completed, the officers were instructed to drive the group back to their cars, and see that they got out of town promptly.
Note: The prolonged effects of malodorous flatulence and a loud and obnoxious dog may have influenced these officers to be unduly merciful. But at any rate this is second-guessing, and certainly, the presence of this many suspects in the Woonsocket Police Department at one time might well have strained our resources. In retrospect, the right decision was made, and we can only hope that these individuals are dealt with severely in their home communities in the future. A downgrade back to “Condition Yellow was instituted.
20:02 – Call from Patrol Supervisor in the parking lot at Bernon Elementary School. All eight individuals were delivered to their vehicles, and their identities confirmed by cross check of driver’s license and registrations. The participants of the evening’s events included: an investment banker, an insurance adjuster, a social worker, a RISD professor, a graphic designer, a store manager, a surgeon and a psychiatrist. Ages ranged from 25 to 65. A quick call was made to the FBI to see if the “Profiler” on duty could make anything of this. The group did not apparently fit into any pattern followed by Federal Law Enforcement Agencies (although the agent on duty apparently said cryptically: “Sounds like a bunch of those goddamned hashers, to me”). The group was released on its own recognizance.
Note: The department is to be commended for their quick and thoughtful management in dealing with a potentially unstable and dangerous situation. The officers acted with great restraint and even courtesy in the face of unknown threats. Some recommendations for the future were made at morning report the following day. After review, the only elements missing from a textbook management of a similar event would be:
1. Field sobriety testing. A new technique for this has been described in which the large group is cuffed into a circle and made to sing a familiar song. This could be ideal in these circumstances. Provided the members of the group are all familiar with any songs
2. More liberal use of verbal intimidation. The story given by the group was an obvious confabulation, and a few appropriate threats (such as calling the parents of those few who have living parents, and the children of those who don’t) might have better elucidated the situation.
3. Cavity searches for the first few suspects. This would establish more quickly the level of danger to the officers, and certainly would assert the dominance so necessary when dealing with the criminal mind.
4. Lethal force applied to the loud and obnoxious dog. While in this incident there were fortunately no injuries from this animal, the officers might not be so lucky in the future. Best to shoot the dog and be safe.
Copied from the Woonsocket Police “Blotter” by