First Snow Hash of Autumn

Run #971, November 15, 2004

Hare:  Basket Boom Boom

Location:  Uncomfortably close to the Smithfield Police Station.

Weather:  30’s, Soggy six inches of snow underfoot.

Present:  Fuwangi Boner, Dr W.H.O., Bondo Jovi, Just Drew, Just Josh, Oozing SD, SESYB, WIPOS, Tinker, Async, Just Bert, Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

The d’erections as usual were ambiguous (to be charitable). But nevertheless, the typical miscreants showed up on time, at a convenience store/martial arts parking lot just west of the Smithfield PD. The hare was nowhere to be seen at first, but at 6:20 rolled in and parked behind the store parking in the employee lot. The group gathered and instructions were given. Once again, they were off.

From the convenience store parking lot, they headed northeast on Rts 5/104 past the Police Department. From numerous previous hashes, the next check posed no challenges, and WHO and Async promptly turned south into the Wolf Hill woods. The Boy Scouts had been busy since the Hash’s last trip here. Numerous fresh cut trails were found. The snow was six to seven inches in depth and footprints of man and beast were easily followed. At the checks, it was simplest just to take the fork without footprints, as the hare had been trying to be cute.

Dr WHO led at first, heading southeast and east towards the powerlines, but never quite reaching them. Some trail bike paths led to confusion and a swamp which moistened the shoes nicely and brought the pack back together. The Just Boys took a long falsie downhill west, and kept going, drawing WHO and Fuwangi with them. Async and WIPOS forged ahead, crossing northwards over Farnum Pike and finally onto the powerlines. Trail now duplicated one of Bondo’s runs in reverse, descending northwest along the powerlines, crossing Capron Rd, and down to a check on the dirt road by Stillwater pond.

At this point the hashers were strung out on and off the trail. Async, Bondo and WIPOS found true trail heading east along the road, and crossing the ankle deep water at the dam at the end of the pond. Just Josh and Just Drew circled around a bit, but eventually followed through the frigid water Just Bert continued on until he was able to find a bridge across, rather than wetting his feet. Fuwangi started across the dam, but not seeing any flour for at least three yards, decided to turn back.  Oozing, SESYB and WHO unwisely followed his lead. Tinker was probably already at the BC with the hare by now.

At any rate, the confused group that was milling about on and off the dirt road next to the dam eventually realized that the dam had to be crossed. They were aided in this decision by hoots of derision from the other side of the pond. They made the crossing. They emerged on Stillwater Rd, and turned west. Trail led on pavement to Pond View Ct and then reentered the woods, crossing the powerlines to a Trucking depot. They turned southwest and easily found the BC under the Rt 116 bridge.

The beer check was remarkably quiet, given the fine acoustics of this oft-used spot. But the hare was too busy boasting of his trail to sing. He clearly didn’t comprehend that the only reason it had any merit at all was because of the early snowfall. If it had been dry, this would have been a contender for worst trail of the year! As it was, it was clearly the worst trail of the week. After some beer from the hare’s thermos containers, they were sent off again.

Trail led west along the river briefly. It then curved north into a nicely swampy area where the drying footgear was refreshed and the ancient layers of mud cleansed at the dam were renewed. They emerged, appropriately enough, in the parking lot of a local gay club, doubtless well known to the hare. Back on the roads, trail led southeast on 5/104, crossing the river on a nice dry bridge. True trail led through the woods of the Reservoir over the partly-constructed new retaining structure. Most of the hashers had had enough of Reservoir running for a while. They took the road.

They turned west on the dirt access road south of the river, and picked up trail easily. It led under a condominium development onto the condo’s “Nature trail”, and ultimately to a gazebo overlooking the pond. This was the site of the circle. The Police Department was visible. Several signs warned “No Trespassing. Police Take Notice.” In the distance, a series of sirens coincidentally started as the group gathered. More brilliant planning.

The circle was joined. Ratings were favorable for: good weather and running conditions, near loss of Fuwangi, Oozing and WHO, dam crossing, and more reservoir activity.  Ratings were unfavorable for: the most recycled run in recent memory (outside of Woonsocket or Glendale), lack of success at losing Fuwangi, Oozing and WHO, pavement in a winter wonderland, lack of arrests, and no beer check in the gay club. Total: -0.69. Hashit went to Async who had pleaded sanity and left the circle early. That’ll show him! Next, some pathetic efforts at naming: Just Bert became Dry Foot Fairy for missing the dam crossing, and Just Drew became Janis Dubya Jerkoff, because this was suggested last week when everyone had had too much to drink even though she was not there. It doesn’t get much lamer, and by the time this narrative makes it to the Trash, hopefully there will have been a renaming.

On On On was at  Box Seats. There is nothing more to say.

On On