Queen’s River Hash, Part I
Run #972, Nov 22, 2004
Hare: Tinker
Location: RI Veterans Cemetery, Exeter
Weather: High 30’s, Partly Cloudy
Present: Fuwangi Boner, Dry Foot Fairy, Dr W.H.O., WIPOS, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing SD, SESYB, Just Michael (second RIH3 hash), Just Amy (1st RIH3 Hash, had briefly hashed in San Diego, and went to NERD 2004 in Newport), Seamus.
The Run:
The group met next to the “Committal” Chapel at the western end off the RI Veterans Cemetery as per the hare’s instructions. Committal? Hashes to hashes and dust to dust? Never mind. The temperature was dropping. The moon was rising. No police were present. Bondo was not present. Could there be a connection?
After instructions, they started the trail near a phallic obelisk, and went off into the woods on a rough path, going west. Almost immediately, they came to a road. Basket, SESYB and Oozing guessed left; Fuwangi, WHO and the Fairy guessed right (wrong). True trail led southwest on the road. A second check led past a gate into the Nature Conservancy Land, and a west leading dirt road. The gap between the FRBs and the pack widened.
The westward track had a few annoying side checks: one left into a field had the Fairy and WHO falling further behind; a historical cemetery check to the right allowed them to catch up. Overall, it was fairly dull: no shiggy, no “Tinker” checks, and no lost hashers. But it did allow the late newcomers to catch up. A check near the bridge over the Queen’s River dispersed the group, Fuwangi and Basket thrashing about on the west bank, WHO and Fairy wandering in the brush to the sides of the check. All ended up wandering in circles through some pine barrens north of the trail until Basket blundered back and found true trail heading south along the river. The rest caught up soon, and they emerged into some fallow fields.
Trail led across the fields, along the border of the fields and generally in a clockwise half-circle looping back to the trail, and crossing, onto a path with a “B”. Found first by Oozing and WHO, they quickly called out false trail, sending Basket and the rest further south on the path. But even Basket cannot be fooled forever. The lights from the pair frantically searching for the beer, plus the charity of the hare drew everyone back, and shortly, they were enjoying chips, and looking askance at the hare’s beer choices (Sam Adams Winter Ale?!!) There was nothing for it but to sing. A prolonged version of the “Rhubarb Medley” was begun in multiple keys, in an attempt to ensure that Just Amy would never return.
All bad things must come to an end. So with the hare muttering incomprehensible instructions about Turkey/Eagle splits, they moved on, west towards the river. An unusual arrow indicating a straight direction followed by a southward turn was found at the riverbank. Showing WHO’s no Dry Foot Fairy, Oozing and WHO made the crossing, followed by Dry Foot Fairy himself, anxious no doubt, for a renaming. Basket (AKA Dry Foot Enema Bill) led the rest through the brush on the east bank. The three on the west bank had the only fun on this pathetic hash, thrashing through some fine briars, crossing stream branches and swampy ground, before they gave up, and recrossed to try and find true trail.
But there was no true trail. The lead pack came out onto Mail Road and they crossed the bridge, running past the hare’s truck unawares. Only WIPOS, bringing up the rear caught on, and found himself a warm berth in the cab of the truck. Basket and Fuwangi led the foolish hashers and newcomers north on Liberty Church Road, into a neighborhood. The wet-footed DFL-ers finally caught up, and climbed into the truck bed, where they opened some beer, and tried to finish off the chips. They tried to get the hare to abandon the rest. But the hare was too weak, and drove to the intersection, and honked. Led by SESYB, Just Michael and Just Amy made it into the back. Now, the hare was more than willing to make a break for it. He almost made it away. But Fuwangi and Basket caught up when the engine stalled. Loading in these two and Seamus, all were accounted for. The songs started up again as they drove back, keeping their minds off the hare’s driving skills. They got to the cars, and convoyed back to Wickford to the hare’s house for the circle.
In the circle, some more questionable beer choices were broached and the ceremonies began. Ratings for the run: little shiggy, considerable pavement, no police, strange beer and good weather guaranteed a poor overall rating. But with Short-Shorts cooking their meal and anxiously watching through the kitchen window the total miraculously improved to: +6.9! Hashit went to Dr WHO, for no goddam reason whatsoever, that your scribe can recall! After a few songs, it was into the warmth of the hare’s house for an excellent meal, and an attempt at breaking the record for the performance of the largest number of offensive songs in a 4 hour period in history. Too bad the Guinness Book of Records (or beer, for that matter) wasn’t there. But you can bet that Just Amy won’t reappear any time soon, so at least that much was accomplished.
On On