Queen’s River, Part II

Run #973, Nov 29, 2004

Hare:  Dr W.H.O.

Location:  Headwaters of the Queen’s River, West Greenwich

Weather:  High 30’s, Clear

Present:  Basket Boom Boom, Bondo Jovi, Dry Foot Fairy, Tinker, Oozing SD, SESYB
Late:  Async
Very Very Late:  WIPOS, Seamus, Ben
Visitor:  Pecker Checker (Corpus Christi H3)

The Run:

The RIH3 was blessed with yet another outstanding run through virgin territory. The hare’s d’erections were to park at a White Pine grove, just after mailbox #170 on the side of Henry Brown Road in West Greenwich. Just before the tree farm. Unfortunately, no one in the RIH3 can tell the difference between a pine tree and a rhododendron. And no one is all that good with numbers, either. There was some confusion at first. But nevertheless, a reasonable crowd gathered in time to set out at 6:30 promptly.

Trail briefly went east on the road, and came to a check. They found a woods trail doubling back northwest into the White Pine grove, and a swampy area with a maze of trails. After a brief but gratifying bit of confusion, an old logging road was found. There were boards, mostly White Pine. They turned north, led by Oozing. The Fisherville Brook, more like a swamp in this area, was encountered for the first time. With the recent rains, staying dry footed (like a fairy) was not an option. Most ended up in some puddles in the road as well as crossing the shallow river itself in two areas. This would not be the last time the trail encountered this brook. But it would be the last of the White Pines.

As they turned east, they encountered another check. The predominant tree here was Red Maple. Dry Foot Fairy, SESYB, Bondo and Pecker Checker continued on true trail east, while Basket and Tinker tried a short-cut north. If they had had the courage of their convictions, they would have found trail some 200 yds uphill. But being who they are, they wandered around aimlessly. Eventually, they came upon the others who were on trail. Except SESYB, who was bushwhacking towards any light she could see. She kept running into Silver Birches. Mostly together, they turned north uphill.

There were a few more checks to come. Basket grew bored of this, and took off on a path north on the east side of the brook. He would not be seen for sometime. But he found some Larches. The rest crossed west over the brook again, and came uphill to a five-way check, with all trails having at least two marks. There were lots of Blue Spruces here, perhaps because of the altitude gain. The hare was tired so he was not giving any clues. They ran back and forth through the trails, making a lot of noise, but not getting anywhere, Finally, as Tinker arrived, the hare realized that Basket was still not present. He quickly showed them the proper trail turning southwest. They continued more or less as a group, and blew past a giant arrow directing them into a bushwhack. The hare waited patiently. They came back sheepishly.

The bushwhack headed west, into a swampy area and yet another stream crossing which led to a trail. Mixed, new growth Beech and Swamp Maple were here. Led by SESYB and Oozing, they continued west to encounter: Async, fresh from recent penile enhancement surgery and ready to go. He had come in backwards (with some advice from his surgeon WHO didn’t want him to bust his stitches trying to keep up with these “athletes”). They gathered at a check which had been confusing him, and eventually found the overgrown path diagonally to the right that led back to true trail.

Continuing mostly west, they came to a bushwhack along the border of a shooting range. Regrettably, there was no nocturnal activity. But there were Pitch Pine and Pepperberry Bushes. Following the marks led through another swamp and to a trail heading south. After mastering several checks, they found themselves bushwhacking again, this time towards a foul-smelling presence with a light and a horn. Basket was back. The hare was crushed. To make matters worse, Bondo now found the lead which led southwest down to another stream crossing and the Beer Check. A near perfect run, ruined by wild random chance!

All were present then, at the beer check. Perfect Porter and 60 minute IPA were served with spicy peanuts. More Red Maples formed their shelter. A few songs were performed. But with Basket and Bondo both there, their hearts weren’t in it. So, they packed up and the hare offered Async’s shortcut to those who wanted it, while he, Basket, Oozing and the Fairy followed true trail through, along and crossing the brook several more times. A few Oaks and dense Bog Leatherleaf. The others were shepherded back to Async’s car and driven back to the start, about a half-mile east on Henry Brown Road.

Now Pecker Checker up to this point had shown generally good judgment (apart from showing up in the first place). She avoided Basket. She did not follow Bondo. She drives a new Mercedes with an electronic key, so she had left her key in the hare’s trunk, figuring this might be a wet run. So before the circle, she retrieved her key from the hare, and after changing, placed it in her own trunk. The circle was begun in the White Pine grove, 30 yds off the street.

The circle didn’t get very far however, because a vehicle with a searchlight drove by repeatedly, scanning the woods and ultimately shouting something like: “Get the F@&% out of there!” A brief period of indecision colored by recent experiences in Woonsocket was followed by a hasty general retreat from the woods. They came back out to the cars, with the mysterious searchlight no where to be seen. An interesting fact was discovered. You can’t open the trunk of a Mercedes without a key in the ignition. [Note: you can’t open the trunk of a tree without a chainsaw.]

A quick call was made to Mercedes. They suggested that they could come tow the car away, and replace the locks. Sometime this week. Pecker Checker noted that her extra key was in her apartment. In Groton, CT. Locked in, of course. Where were her apartment keys? In the trunk. Everyone suddenly started to look busy or preoccupied. But finally, Dry Foot Fairy agreed to drive her to Groton, break into her apartment, drive her back, and front her some cash. Possibly, he sensed an opportunity. There are some fine trees in Groton.

After waving them off, the rest got changed and drove out to exit 6, not 6A where they settled in, only to be joined by WIPOS. He had not seen any trees at all. The circle was finished in Mark's Grille, and they had the usual fare, placing bets on which bed would be visited by a Fairy that night. It just shows that the best laid plans of mice and hashers get really screwed when you start driving around in German cars. Or trees, for that matter.

On On