Woonsocket Asphalt Jungle

Run #974 December 6, 2004

Hare:  Bondo Jovi

Location:  Fogarty Rehab, North Smithfield

Weather:  Low 30’s, Light Snow

Present:  Async, Dr WHO, Dry Foot Fairy, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing SD, WIPOS, Fuwangi Boner, Seamus.

The Run:

onceagainthiswillbethebestrunever.directionsformondaydecember6promisestobevirginteretoriandsure
tofuckeverybodythatthinkstheyknowwheretheyaregoing.Themeetingplacewillbe forgety youknow the rehabe center at the end of 146A promises to be the best 3 beer stops and an A to B so make sure to bring a changebag as we will be crossing the Blackstone river
see you there 630pm oh from providence take 146 north to woonsocket take the 146A exit to wonsocket the FOtergery hospital is on the right before you get into woonsocket and Watch out for the storm troopers WPF's. on on

These are the (unedited) d’erections by the hare for this week’s run. Not much more needs to be said, as these were the high point of the evening. The hare is obviously terrified that the Woonsocket police are monitoring him closely. Trying to keep legal, he set a pavement run through the city. He tried to make it acceptable to the hashers by setting two (not three!) beer stops. Bribery does work sometimes.

At any rate, those who showed up knew what they were getting themselves into. Most only came to find out if Dry Foot Fairy and Pecker Checker had become an item after the last weeks hash. He was too much a gentleman to say, the wanker! Or perhaps he’s too much of a wanker to be a gentleman. Anyways they were off on time, east on the RR grade as usual. The trail led through some light snow, but was easy to follow as it turned uphill towards the powerlines. But it curved back west all too quickly to emerge on Cranston Street. That was the last of the “shiggy” for this night.

Heading north on the roads briefly, most blew past a well-concealed “B”. But they were called back, and entered a garage belonging to one of the hare’s relatives. Bondo brew was shared in the garage, but they waited too long. Fuwangi showed up, following the odor more than the footprints. After a few, they relieved themselves in the bed of the hare’s brother-in-law’s truck. Then they set out again, continuing north and east on Carnation Street , Knight and Cooper Streets, etc. until they came to another “B”. This was the house of some of the hare’s “friends”, also home brewers. Some of their brews were sampled, and a few songs were sung in an attempt to offend them and alienate them from the hare. Then, on out again. About 1 ½ miles had been covered at this point, with two beer stops. Grueling!

Trail was followed with no difficulty as the final destination was all too clear. Down the hill on Crawford to Park and then Front Street, crossing the Bernon Street Bridge they went. Gaps between them widened, depending upon how quickly they wanted to end this farce. As they passed Box Seats on River Street, they split into two groups: one led by Basket headed straight for the hare’s home. The other led by Oozing, was grimly determined to see this through, and follow trail. [Both groups were equally harassed by local teen hooligans, trying to get someone to buy them some Thunderbird. Ah, Woonsocket by night! What a place!] Regardless, they all pretty much arrived at the hare’s garage together.

Before the circle a few were driven back to collect cars, while Oozing and the Fairy warmed themselves in the garage, and had more beer. The circle was finally sung to order. The ratings: two beer stops have a powerful effect on hashers. Added to that was the mellowing effect of yet more beer on those who had not returned for their cars. But it could excuse the extreme, willful, and repetitive use of asphalt only so far. Total: -6.9. Next Hashit: WHO can’t remember; probably Basket. Finally yet another disorganized attempt at renaming: suggestions for renaming Dry Foot Fairy to “No Head”, “PeckerHeadless”, and “Something’s Rotten in Groton” were considered, settling provisionally for the last. Pathetic! They moved upstairs for Bondo-chili and more brew. All in all, another wasted evening, except for the anticipation of the excellent bowel-cleansing to come from all this homebrew and chili.

On On