The Hash Goes Collegiate

Run #975, Dec 13, 2004

Hare:  Fuwangi Boner

Location:  URI, South Kingston

Weather:  Mid-twenties, Clear, recent rain.

Present:  Dry Foot Fairy, Dr WHO, Tinker, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing SD, Bondo Jovi, Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

The hare set trail from his old college stomping grounds, beginning at the public parking at the west extreme of URI’s Kingston campus. One would think that he would have known this area so well that the run would be clever, imaginative and outstanding. And maybe some coeds would show up. But it turned out that the hare had spent his entire college career so drunk that the only parts of campus he knew were his dorm, the campus Police Station and the campus Infirmary. Not much of a run there, and there was not much of a run this night, either.

The group gathered, and unable to hide quickly enough to avoid Bondo, they set out east into the campus. The marks were in chalk, and mostly washed away by the recent rain, so the hare decided to run ahead and set live trail. This did not matter, as the group couldn’t follow trail anyways. After a brief head start, they turned east into the campus and promptly lost trail. Basket and Bondo tried uphill, Tinker and the Fairy tried downhill. WHO saw a river, and ran through it. But no marks. Finally, flour was found crossing back west behind a dorm(?) and crossing the river towards the athletic facilities.

The fact that there was no shiggy was balanced by the fact that there were no marks, and the group reformed milling about in an open area near the gym. Finally, they turned back again bridging the river, and headed east on a road skirting the campus. They turned, and finally headed north uphill through the main campus. WHO found the lead, and kept on trail, with Oozing and the Fairy. Basket charged off in random directions. Tinker was chatting with some coeds. Bondo was swearing at his dog. They made their way through the campus and as they reached the top turned west.

Finally, trail was found crossing Flagg Rd and entering the woods north. A brief path led to a dirt road and a check. Half turned east, half turned west. But the hare was in the area and we’ll never know which way was true, as there seemed to be prolonged falsies in both directions. There was some kind of fancy on-the-fly marking going on, for sure! Oozing and WHO took a trail north, bushwhacking 100yds into swamp and downed trees. After eight or nine widely-spaced marks, they came to an “X” and swore mightily. Basket, Tinker and Bondo found a circle-jerk to the east, and resisted returning to the hare’s calls. Dry Foot Fairy ran back and forth between both groups, unwilling to trust his fate to either Basket or Oozing.

Finally called back by the hare, the group proceeded west on the dirt road to a gravel pit and the beer check. Beer was welcomed, but unfortunately, all were present. Bondo became almost maudlin at the site of meteors in the now clear skies. A few songs were tried out, and they decided to continue. Trail led another 50-100 yds. To the south end of the gravel pit, and the circle. This may have been the quickest BC-to-Circle transition since the last Bondo run!

The circle was begun and the run rated. No shiggy, good weather, no losses on trail, and no bimbos, balanced by rain-washed marks forcing the lazy hare to work twice as hard, no Async or WIPOS, virgin territory and no need for exertion after the BC. Total: -0.69. Hashit was given to Bondo, by request! After appropriate punishment it was for some reason felt necessary to try to rename DFF again! This time: “Driving Ms.Pecker” was selected. [Please note that your scribe will continue to refer to the aforementioned as Dry Foot Fairy until something minimally reasonable comes along. Pathetic!] They walked back to the cars, and drove to the On On On. This week it was the Mews in Wakefield, known for their wide selection of skunked beers and rude undergraduates. But the typical behavior and offensive songs of this malodorous group seemed to fit in frighteningly well. Not even a dirty look from the waitress. Too bad it’s so expensive.

On On