Ticks and Pricks and Dicks, Oh My! Hash

Run #992, April 11, 2005

Hare:  Bondo Jovi

Location:  Parente’s, Smithfield

Weather:  Mid-40’s, clear

Present:  Async, Dr WHO, Fuwangi Boner, Basket Boom Boom, Dry Foot Fairy, Oozing SD, SESYB, WIPOS, Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

This was the first all-daylight hash of 2005. It was Live-hared. By Bondo Jovi. From an area with no virgin territory whatsoever (except I believe trail has never before gone just north of the third white pine in the grove east of the junior varsity field hockey field at Bryant although it has gone just south of this same tree on Run #826 if I’m not mistaken). And the hare was still recovering from the forcible removal of several large cylindrical foreign bodies from his nether person the week before. A sure recipe for disaster.

But the hare was off (at Async’s arrival at 6 PM) for a 30 minute head start. By the time Dr WHO arrived, 15 minutes later, the hare could be seen struggling through the underbrush, 30 yards away from the parking lot. He was making unusually good time! The rest arrived individually before the usual deadline (except for WIPOS, smart enough to delay the agony and hopefully pick up on some short-cuts). At 6:30 they entered the sewage overflow swamp heading south. How appropriate!

Basket observed the terrain. Frightened of the thought of getting his feet dirty, he decided that he knew the workings of the hare’s mind (now THAT’S a scary thought!) and decided to branch off northwest towards Bryant. The rest remained on trail, southward alongside and in-and-out of a stream. The marks were sporadic, there were no paths to speak of, and there was plenty of shiggy. Every one was pricked. Substantially. It was a happy moment. The last such moment of the run. Two or three meaningless checks were dispatched. The hare, doubtless panicky and looking over his shoulder at every noise, had set no false marks. Led by Async, the group came together to what appeared to be the last mark, adjacent to two near-impenetrable rows of briars close to the junction of Rt 116 and the powerlines.

The group split up in search of a mark. WHO tried the powerline north briefly. He then gave up, assuming the hare could not have set that short a run. (This should have been a clue.) Async turned southwest on 116, then northwest on Mowry. He then gave up (fortunately for him, as he just missed Basket, making his way over from Bryant. Dry Foot Fairy joined WHO searching for Async, figuring he had been gone long enough that he must have found trail. Oozing and Fuwangi tried the woods due west for a while. SESYB picked the briars out of her legs, and set about collecting wood ticks to give to the hare at the Beer Check. WIPOS had by now arrived, and was adjusting his armor, trying to hear whistles or horns.

Finally, Fuwangi picked up the flour on the powerline heading north (just beyond a steaming pool of fresh urine. WHO could have left that there? How appropriate!) Oozing and SESYB followed as the trail brought them back to Rt 7, and crossing, continued into the woods to the west of the powerlines. Async, Dry Foot and WHO decided that the Beer Check must be under the 116 bridge. They followed 116 southwest and convened at that site. No Marks. Rather than admit defeat, they turned onto the dirt bike paths, and enjoyed a muddy sojourn through the woods north back to Bryant. Still no marks. But some nice briars were encountered as they briefly bushwhacked onto the Bryant campus.

The lead pack had by now run a short but worthless loop through the woods (and the stream) north of the fields of the Smithfield “Town Farm and Asylum”. How appropriate! They returned south to find the beer check under a bridge on Essex Street, crossing the small stream. The hare waited with beer. Intermittent efforts were made with horn and whistle to attract the missing group. WIPOS, using sono-location devices built into his hash gear, heard the noise and turned towards the sound. He crossed Rt 7 just in time to be seen by Async and the rest, emerging from the woods behind Parente’s. They followed the bulky yet swiftly moving figure across the Asylum grounds.

Just about to leave, the hare and the others cursed mightily at the new arrivals. But there was still beer. There was still light. There were still seven or eight unsung rhubarb verses. So the Beer Check was extended. Ticks were presented, and scratches admired. But the beer supply had been seriously depleted by the early arrivals, so they quickly ran out. They soon headed back, without benefit of marks, across the Asylum to Parente’s.

The circle was formed behind the sewage treatment shed. How appropriate! The hare entered the circle. Ratings for the run: some shiggy with the first ticks of spring, live hare, incompetent marks, loss of 5 hashers were powerful marks in favor. But as all made it to BC, the weather was clear, and there were no injuries, the total came to a weak +0.69. Hashit was given again to WHO, due to intense jealousy regarding his superior hashing skills, no doubt.

Despite efforts to move the On On On to Swampy’s, they next moved into Parente’s. A large family reunion was taking place at a neighboring table. The presence of young children curbed the language (a bit!) of the crew and limited the singing (a bit!) But an outlet for pre-senile exuberance must be allowed, so the group made up for lost time with beer theft, sabotage and general childish behavior. How appropriate! A fine example for the impressionable youths, indeed! But the choice of Parente’s as a site for a family outing is pretty questionable. Kind of like having your youth bible study group meet at Cady’s. So unfazed, the hash partied on, until it was time to “Heigh-Ho” out, departing at the same time as the kiddies, much to their parents distress. The evening was not, after all, a complete waste.

On On