Morons at Midway Hash

Run #994, April 25, 2005

Hare:  Fuwangi Boner

Location:  Midway Trail, Arcadia, Exeter.

Weather:  40’s, clear.

Present:  Dr WHO, Async, WIPOS, Oozing SD, SESYB, Bondo Jovi, Basket Boom Boom, Tinker, Dry Foot Fairy; Visitor/Two-timer: Pud Pirate (BH3); Seamus, Ben.

The Run:

Everyone parked at Camp E Hun Te (that is the “White Church”) at first, because of typically bad d’erections. There were at least three different versions to choose from between the Hareline and the new guestbook. But at about 6:15, the hare ran up Rt 165 to the motley group. He directed them to park 200 yds down the road at the entrance to the Midway trail. At the trailhead, all was quiet. Peckerchecker had been expected. No show. Dry Foot, always early, was missing. Still no sign of Just Areola. Many Virgins, promised by Dr WHO yet again, were not present. But the hash must go on. And off they went at 6:30.

Trail led north on the dirt entry road to a check. WHO turned left. Async turned right, both on the Hargraves Tr. Both wrong, as usual. Oozing and SESYB found true trail straight (on the Brook Trail). The next check was encountered just across the Flat River bridge. Marks led south on far bank, and were faithfully followed by Basket, Async, and Oozing. Later arrivals WHO and WIPOS stayed on the near bank, suspecting chicanery. They paralleled the others. After a while with no marks, they decided to call “On On” to draw the leaders back across the river. At least there would be some amusement potential here. But only Oozing could be fooled. No surprise! Basket and Async pressed on, heading northwest God-knows-where off trail, and bringing the visitor Pud Pirate, naïve to their ways, with them.

Tinker continued up the Brook Trail following secret directions from hare. Oozing, WHO and WIPOS were too busy crossing the stream back and forth to be fooled by Basket’s plaintive calls from deeper and deeper in the woods. But they did attract SESYB to their group. Apparently, however, the trail was a circle jerk. WHO, Oozing and SESYB returned to the Brook Trail with Tinker ahead, and WIPOS closing fast. Sounds exciting? Not a chance.

Trail continued northwest to a check at the intersection of the Brook and Barber trails. On straight, it then led to the junction of the Brook and Midway Trails. Oozing, WHO, SESYB, and WIPOS led the hare northwest on trails to some farmland. Bondo and Async were lost by this point, and headed off towards Breakheart Pond for a romantic interlude. The rest curved southwest, crossing Brook Trail to a bushwhack, southward. They came to the Falls River; options for crossing were explored. Oozing took the direct route, in the water, WHO, SESYB and hare found a fallen tree to cross, while WIPOS tried a different log, resulting in a most satisfactory fall into the water halfway across.

Now trail led up the North South Trail to a check at Barber Farm. There were five alternatives. And four hashers. Confusion ensued. Unfortunately, this allowed Basket and Pud Pirate to rejoin the pack. Finally, true trail was found by SESYB, turning southwest onto Mt Tom proper. They soon caught up to Tinker. Trail curved south then southeast to the summit of this mighty peak, and then turned down the slope partway to the first Beer Check.

Growlers of Scotch Ale and Porter were served. The absence of Bondo and Async was unfortunately offset by the presence of Basket. To make matters worse, Dry Foot Fairy arrived. Arriving late, the trail had proved no challenge to him. [Given the combined 75 years of experience held by the well-lost Bondo and Async, compared to the 7 month experience of Dry Foot, this should give some warning to those anticipating a long career in hashing and its effect on the intellect. Maybe it’s just the Bondo brew. But I digress.] Nevertheless, the beer was cold, and the first mosquitoes of the year were appearing. A few songs were sung. But the stop was not prolonged as the beer supplies were running low, and the threat of Bondo stumbling onto true trail was preying on all minds. They set out on trail southeast..

As they approached Rt 165 on the Mt Tom Trail, marks led to a bushwhack paralleling the road east. The leaders WHO, Oozing, Pud Pirate and Dry Foot followed flour dutifully. The rest stuck with the hare and continued on the Mt Tom Trail across 165. Finally the FRBs realized they had become the DFLs. More hash rocket-scientists at work! They followed the horns and whistles and backtracked west on 165 until the found the trail. They all ran up the ridge to the last of the Mt Tom Cliffs for second Beer Check in the sunset. Again, no Async or Bondo.

After brief refreshment, made briefer because they hare was running low on beer, they tracked in the dark, on east with a brief bushwhack to the hare’s truck on Mt Tom Rd. They drove back to start. Most unfortunately, Async and Bondo were there. They quickly sprung apart, and got out of the steamy truck. Their litany of excuses immediately begun, was cut short by demands for the circle. Ratings for the run: loss of two, two BC’s, and a sunset over lovely cliffs vs. too short, not enough beer, clear weather, optional shiggy. Total 6.9. Hashit: SESYB for bringing Oozing.

The On On On was of course at Marks, exit 6 not 6A, only Async abstaining because of embarrassment, no doubt. Beer wars were instituted. Prolonged singing was almost inevitable, with much appreciation from the crowd of regulars who requested repeat appearances every Monday. Poor fools, they may get more than they bargained for.

On On