Clowns in Freetown Hash

Run #996, May 9, 2005

Hare:  SESYB

Location:  Freetown/Fall River State Forest.

Weather:  High 40’s, Partly Cloudy.

Present:  Async, Basket Boom Boom, Oozing SD, Dry Foot Fairy, Tinker, Dr WHO, WIPOS, Seamus.

 

The Run:

This was yet another rehash of previous runs, “justified” only because the hare had been so proud of her trail the last time she set here. She thought she could get away with this blatant lack of creativity because before, only Oozing and WHO showed up, and they aren’t exactly known for their long-term memories. At any rate, the turn out was only marginally better this night.

The run began promptly at 6:30. Trail entered the woods off Copicut Rd starting southeast, but soon curving to the west. The pack was on, except for WHO, figuring a repeat, who turned downhill to the Rattlesnake Brook, off trail. He led Basket to an unnecessary stream crossing. But the two soon picked up the trail again, just ahead of the pack. They headed southwest on the gas pipeline trail. WHO led left into the woods heading east.

A series of checks allowed the pack to catch up, and it was Dry Foot who finally found true trail in a maze of bike paths and trails in a pine grove valley with steep hills in all directions. Async and WHO followed, with Basket and Oozing back with the hare. Generally east and slightly south, the trail crossed the main trails: the Daly Path and the Wampanoag Trail, sticking mostly to the dirt bike paths in order to take most advantage of the hills. There were puddles, but there was limited unavoidable shiggy. The only bushwhacking was shortcutting across switchbacks which allowed the leaders to switch position every now and then. Even the few crossings of Rattlesnake Brook were on bridges. A sad state hashing has come to!

Finally, the trail led to a loop. Basket and Dry Foot were dutifully suckered in this circle-jerk, and led WHO and Async in a wide circle, thus allowing Tinker to rejoin the pack. Tinker was able to further mislead the group by confusing an untried trail with the entering trail. Oozing and the hare, avoiding the loop, had left an ambiguous mark at this check. Finally, WHO and Async led Basket, Dry Foot, and Tinker west on a small path to Upper Ledge Rd.

By this time, Oozing had headed for the quarry. Inside knowledge? Or just common sense? You be the judge! WIPOS had also given up and stuck with hare. Dry Foot Fairy had found about twenty-five multicolored, partially-deflated balloons. He decided to bring them along. This colorful apparition running northeast on the Haskall Path briefly led Async and WHO astray. But while Dry Foot, giddy with his multicolor prancing about the woods, persisted without marks, the other two turned back to find true trail. [ Dry Foot apparently made it to Bell Rock Rd. With no audience, he finally admitted defeat, and turned back. Unfortunately, he made the correct choices and re-entered the woods taking a left turn on Ledge Rd. But I digress.]

WHO was getting tired of this. He finally decided to head for the quarry also, knowing that the only logical spot for the beer check was atop the quarry cliff. He followed Upper Ledge Rd ignoring trail markings. And he arrived at the quarry only to be greeted by sight of Oozing standing at the edge of the 100 ft cliff. WHO’s cries of: “Jump! You can do it!” were ignored. He climbed up followed at some distance by Async and, still further back by Basket. The hare and WIPOS were with Oozing, and with the beer.

Before Basket could make the climb, the beers were distributed, and each took two or three to hide. Basket arrived, and there were none left. Ha Ha! What a joke! They laughed until they stopped! But they had mercy. Wankers! Next to arrive at the base of the cliff was Tinker. He was soon followed by a white car. Initially, it was thought that Dry Foot had turned back for his car. But three unsuspecting teenagers emerged and got out of the car, rap music playing, to have a little toke. They were uncertain as to what to do about the crowd atop the cliff above them. But their uncertainties were crystallized when a cloud of fast-moving but colorful balloons burst through the woods behind them. Dry Foot Fairy had finally made it. He ignored the flour of the trail. He proceeded past the confused juvenile delinquents. He climbed up and joined the confused senile delinquents on the cliff. All to the strains of a rousing but inappropriate chorus of “Happy Birthday, F*ck you!” inspired by the sight of so many balloons. This was sufficient to convince the teens to pack their bongs and leave. Why do you think they call it “dope”?

The beer check proceeded with Guinness, a Porter and Cheetos. Attempts were made at throwing the balloons off the cliff. Against the wind. Brilliant! Finally, beer gone, Dry Foot was able to rid the party of the balloons by descending to a lesser outcropping and directing the balloons down the face of the cliff. They resumed the trail. This was uneventful, proceeding north and west back to the pipeline. They all crossed the stream this time, and came out onto Copicut.

Two circles were initially formed. One was at a lovely and scenic holding pond, held by Oozing, WHO and Dry Foot. They had the prime location. They had the Cheetos. But they only had a half a Guinness each. The other circle was in a drab dirt roadway centering on a pathetic little mud puddle. Basket was there. But the hare was there. With the beer. Inevitably, the two circles rejoined. The run was rated. Balloons, no Bondo, and no pavement offset the limited shiggy and the presence of Basket. Total +6.9. Hashit went to Basket for the usual assortment of reasons.

After the circle ended, they convoyed over to T.K. O’Malley’s in Fall River for the On On On. With the group split up between two tables, the usual stupidities were thankfully somewhat limited. A quiet finish to the evening was enjoyed, the Red Sox crushing Oakland, the food and beer relatively cheap and not a bottle of malt vinegar to be seen.

 

On On