Async Cums Out of Hare Retirement Hash

Run #1015, September 12, 2005

Hare:  Async

Location:  Thompson, CT (Quaddick Reservoir)

Weather:  80 and extremely humid

Present:  Basket Boom Boom, Dr. WHO, Trail Hoover, Bondo Jovi, Oozing, Dry Foot Fairy, Amish It Head, Great at Giving Head, Sparky the Hobosexual (NH3), Pounder On It, Just Jeff, Just Susanne, Ben, and Seamus.

The Run:

With gas prices in excess of $3 per gallon, the hare Async decided to have the hash in another state. After all, what did he care with his brand new spiffy efficient hybrid Highlander. Pathetic. Even more pathetic, the hare stood at the intersection of Quaddick Town Farm Rd. and Baker Rd. assuring everyone will find the start, even Basket. And even MORE pathetic(!), Async, destined to join the Bahstan Hash House Harriers, managed to take a day off work to hare for RIH3.

Yet it gets better!

6:31 p.m. Dry Foot calls Sparky who (not WHO) has not arrived yet with a car carrying himself, Pounder On It, Just Jeff (Pounder’s brother), and Just Susanne (Pounder’s friend). They were five minutes late, so the hare with pressure from Trail Hoover marked two large arrows pointing directly into the Quaddick Reservoir. Everyone else scampered and hid in the woods across the street. Sparky arrived and leisurely took his time parking. Apparently, being late to a hash wasn’t a big deal. Like being late for bowling [but I digress].

The hidden wankers got a nice show of Pounder changing her clothes, as Just Jeff noticed the arrows and stood confused at the bank of the reservoir. After a few moments of confusion (welcome to hashing Just Jeff!), he finally asked Sparky if they were to circumnavigate the reservoir or go through it. Um, duh! Follow the arrow! Even with uncontrollable giggles and Seamus barking from the woods, the clueless ones didn’t notice the others in the woods. Brilliant!

Then it gets worse. All good things must come to an end.

With the clueless foursome not able to make up their minds, Basket burst out of the woods to ruin it all. Who was surprised? No, WHO was not surprised!

[At this point, I should just stop writing, since this was the high point of the evening. The rest sucked. But I’ll continue anyway. You, on the other hand, can just stop reading. Again, I digress.]

For those stupid enough to continue reading, the late arrival of the Sparky caravan allowed Bondo to arrive with the pack still there. How pathetic! Then they were off heading east along Baker Rd. for a short while, then through the woods heading north east. It was quite an easy tromp through the woods led by Amish and WHO. Async took the road, strongly suggesting where trail would end up. It was not long until G@GH, Amish, and WHO stumbled upon a check at Quaddick Town Farm Rd.

Amish searched south. G@GH searched north. Basket decided to go straight continuing east. Only Dry Foot and Trail Hoover were smart (stupid) enough to follow Basket, who happened to be on true trail. Mass confusion ensued behind them, as Just Susanne ran in little rubber thingies, Just Jeff mis-interpreted what a beer check was and searched for beer along trail, and Sparky happily followed directly behind Pounder On It. Ah, the joys of hashing!

Async finally set everyone straight (not that difficult) and all followed the FRBs east into the woods. At this point in the run, nothing notable really happened. Basket correctly guessed 5 (five!) checks in a row, which is less impressive than it sounds, since the trail was a monotonous clockwise loop over and into Quaddick State Park all along groomed trails, only to empty out on Quaddick Town Farm Rd. again. Justice, it seems, prevailed in the end as Basket guessed the sixth check wrong, only 200 yards from the BC, and ended up last at the beer check.

At the beer check, the veteran hashers quickly soothed themselves in the murky and stinky water. The meek chose to stay dry [I need not name names, like Pounder, Just Jeff, G@GH, and Amish]. The spirited ones sang in the rain whilst savoring the Guinness. Brilliant! Adding to the stench, both Seamus and Ben decided to piss in the waters. Brilliant! And no Bondo. Brilliant!

Again, all good things must come to an end. With the sun quickly setting, the pack departed and backtracked through the only shiggy offered by the hare – a dried up brook. Pathetic! Those without flashlights at least managed to make it interesting. Oozing partook on an act of kindness and offered Pounder his flashlight, a most hashitable offense!

The hare not having lost all his dastardly ways sent the pack up Quaddick Town Farm Rd for about a mile and back down Baker Rd. The endless pavement pounding left many whining and complaining, which brought smiles and laughter to Async.

Circle was held in the dark, in the water, and only 10 feet from the road. Dry Foot decided to keep to his name and stick high and dry with the meek (not to name names… Pounder, Just Susanne, Just Jeff, G@GH, and Amish). Bondo, lonely from missing most, no ALL of the run, decided to have a conversation with Trail Hoover, thus bringing the circle into chaos. Order was restored, but then Basket decided to have a conversation with Trail Hoover (obviously jealous of Bondo), and chaos again ensued, which pretty much summed up the comments on the run. Total: +6.9! RIH3 newcumers Just Susanne and Just Jeff were rightfully punished. Hashit not to Basket for once. Rather, Oozing. But does it really matter?

On-on-on was at Cady’s, for once smoke free! (See Hash #986). Pizza and beer were devoured and not much else notable occurred, except for Async going into the women’s room, Basket going into the women’s room to get Async out only to find that it wasn’t Async! (unless Async wears women’s underwear, but we won’t speculate) Well, given the appearance of the woman who walked out, one can justify the confusion. Didn’t Basket get his eye fixed? I digress.

And with that…

On On

Dry Foot Fairy