Bondo’s Blackstone Beeline Hash

Run #1122, October 1, 2007

Hare:  Bondo Jovi

Location:  Blackstone, MA

Weather:  Clear, 50’s

Present:  Concrete Feet, Dr WHO, Amish It Head, Basket Boom Boom, WIPOS, Just Miranda, Dogmeat, Ben. Virgins: Just Colin, Just Eric, Just Seth, Just Liz.

The Run:

There is something inexplicable in the air in Rhode Island, this autumn. For no reason whatsoever, virgins have been showing up at the RIH3 on a regular basis. For three weeks in a row, in fact! It’s not the hares. (We have observed this phenomenon with WIPOS, and now Bondo!) It’s not the weather. (While clear, it’s getting cooler, and flashlights are out in force.) And it’s not the location (Woonsocket?!) Maybe it’s the presence of Concrete Feet. Maybe it’s the absence of JIMA, EWD and/or That’s a Mouthful. Regardless, this evening four virgins showed up at the hare’s doorstop, expecting a hash and some beer. They were to be at least partly disappointed.

The hare waited until about 6:35, and announced that this was to be a “B-to-A” run. He loaded up his van with the group to drive them to the start. There was to be no turning around, and lost virgins were likely to stay that way. The van was packed full (although WHO would have gladly made a place for Just Miranda on his lap, had she not been a bit late. She was later shepherded to mid-run by Dogmeat.) They drove. And drove. And drove! “The Wild West Show” was sung, and they ran out of verses before arriving at the starting point, at the turn in Fox Run Road in South Bellingham.

There is a dead-straight (unlike the hare) abandoned rail line heading northeast from Blackstone to Norwood. The hash has spent a lot of time on the Blackstone segment. But the hare has always been to lazy to travel out this far from the security of Woonsocket. So technically, the first part of the trail was virgin territory. And given the travel time, flashlights were needed almost from the beginning. So the excited virgins were pumped. They almost immediately got into the spirit of the thing as they started on trail heading southwest on the trail, shouting “On On!” at each mark. But it was soon apparent that the hare had set on bicycle, as the marks were at least 200 yds apart. But it was pretty obvious that the goal was to go straight back to the hare’s house.

A check sent WHO left into a cemetery, only to serve as an example in courteous hashing for the new boots. The trail was dirt with a sinusoidal pattern of ups and downs. Hard on the lower back, especially for those with long black poles. Finally they came out to South Main Street. There was another check. It was ignored and they proceeded straight across to continue on the tracks. There were two parallel trails for a bit. It didn’t matter which was taken. All roads lead to Bondo. They crossed over Harris Pond only to run into Just Miranda, and the hare. He pointed out a “BN”. Concrete and WHO took the bait and turned back north into the quarries on a very familiar path. True trail even led to the totally unnecessary pond crossing that the hare keeps bringing back, in the vain hope that he will find someone stupid enough to cross. (See run #851, #875, #956, etc.) WHO considered briefly leading Just Miranda and some virgins into the only shiggy on trail. But Good Hashmanship only goes so far.

At this point, believe it or not, people started to get lost. Just Miranda continued north into the quarry on a check at Dr WHO’s recommendation. Two of the virgins (Just Colin and Just Eric?) got carried away as well and went off in the woods together. (Luckily, they left Just Liz behind, which really was all the hash cared about.) And WIPOS wandered off as well, following the lights of the Just Boys. Bondo cackled his pleasure as he jumped back into his car. Concrete, Basket and Amish found true trail now which curved back and came out on Farm Street at St Charles Cemetery.

Trail was now on blacktop. But only for a moment. See if you can guess where true trail was picked up. That’s right! Across the street, on the rail-path, continuing southwest! Concrete Feet led and guessed right (left) at a series of checks. Amish and WHO hoped against hope that the beer would be waiting at the bench on top of the hill in these woods found at the last AGM hash. But they were to be sorely disappointed. Trail led out to Warner Street, and they finally recognized the obvious. There was to be NO BEER CHECK!

The FRB’s made their way back via Gaskill and Woodland to Meadow where they found the hare waiting in his garage. After berating the unrepentant wanker, beer was opened. More of the rest straggled in. But WIPOS, Just Miranda, and a few virgins were missing. The hare was dispatched to find them. Finally, all were present, and the circle was joined. The ratings reflected the imagination and effort put forth by the hare: total = -69.69! The virgins were deflowered and seemed to be ready for banyard frolics with cows, sheep and goats. They offered a song which, though not obscene, was certainly spirited. Hashit went to Concrete for being an FRB and boasting about his running. Religion followed.

The pack was allowed upstairs by Just Big Sh*t. High-Definition football was on in the TV room; Low-Talent billiards was on in the back room. Bondo brew and Woonsocket salt-free dynamites completed for the new hashers what is after all one of the quintessential RIH3 hashing experiences. And it’s an experience particularly piquant, for most, the next morning. Bet we’ll see them again soon!

On On