More than a Mouthful of Asphalt Hash

Run #1125, October 22, 2007

Hare:  That's a Moutful

Location:  Pawtuxet Village, Warwick

Weather:  Low 50’s, Clear with Moon waxing gibbous

Present:  Concrete Feet, Amish It Head, Basket Boom Boom, Fuwangi Boner, Justin My Ass, Dr WHO, Oozing SD, Dry Foot Fairy, WIPOS, Just Miranda, Pubic Housing, Donkey Punch. Virgins: Just Sean, Just Carrie (?).

Celebrating: The liberation of the hash from That’s a Mouthful

The Run:

The hare, That’s A Mouthful, decided to step up to the plate and set his own farewell hash, his second trail setting actually. He wanted to make this memorable. It certainly left most with memories. Of shin splints, worn soles, blisters, and the smell of asphalt. But what can you do in Pawtuxet Village, anyways? (Try Run # 1035.) The virgin streak (now six in a row!) continued, as the hare brought two friends, and Donkey Punch and Pubic Housing returned, now officially RIH3-ers, needing renaming(?). Even Dry Foot Fairy made it, wanting to see what could be done in this locale (See Run # 1035, again!).

With fifteen hashers present, with the hare’s obvious concern about insufficient beer at the BC, and with the ever-present fear that Bondo or PW might show up, they were off promptly at 6:30. Trail started north from the parking lot of the East View Road Boathouse. It led briefly through the small adjacent park, and then turned west onto Post Road. JIMA, Fuwangi and Just Miranda were FRBs and blew past the true trail which turned right (and unnecessarily) onto the paths along the river. WHO and Amish made the turn and had a brief respite from the grinding pavement. But all too brief! There was a promising check mark at a bridge over a small drainage ditch. But it was totally wasted. The trail came back out through sewer pipe central, and turned south on Venturi.

The hare had been coaching the back of the pack, so most were already milling about in the condo village across Post Road. Trail led to the back, across a fence and into the neighborhood of Presidential streets. WHO knows the sequence of Washington, Adams, Roosevelt, Madison, Cleveland, etc. that trail followed, but the trend was south, and was aided and abetted by the hare. WHO followed the hare, along with virgins Just Sean and Just Carrie. But on Harrison a check clearly led into the Pawtuxet Park Cemetery. In spite of the hare encouraging all to skip this, WHO followed true trail. He met Fuwangi, apparently following trail backwards. Serves him right! And this segment of trail was also to prove the undoing of Concrete Feet a few short minutes later, as he became irretrievably lost among the dead (better company that the others were dealing with, perhaps).

The main pack was led by Basket, but only because he was off trail and had a loud horn which makes him sound like he knows what he’s doing. Pity the fools that follow him in general, but this time, he lucked onto true trail turning east on Mayfair, crossing the Narragansett Parkway onto Naushon Rd. Trail then turned south, skirting the lawn of another condo village, and following the coast into the George Salter Grove. The hare tried to keep people out on the road. But WHO and Basket continued across the peninsula. They came upon the inevitable trail along the shoreline out to the breakwater. This breakwater consists of a berm extending east to a long extension with north (man-made) and south (natural) limbs to shelter Pawtuxet cove. At the “T”, both ways were tried. But there were no marks.

Finally, the hare led south. There were a few areas where, if you were exceptionally lazy, you could get your feet wet. You couldn’t really call it shiggy. That would be a huge exaggeration! But most welcomed the chance to cool their sore and aching feet, still tingling from the endless pavement pounding. The Portuguese fishing crowd looked on in amusement at the hashers as they made their way down to the southern tip of the island. The beer was found, and opened. The beer was moved a short distance into the water, but the rocks were slippery enough that this did not work out so well, and most of the late arrivals didn’t have to make the choice of going in or going dry. All eventually made it, except Concrete, still wandering among the presidents.

Songs were sung, the beer ran out, and as no seconds were going to be had, the BC broke up. The hare gave instructions to “take the road back”! Something new and different! More pavement! It was just about a mile back north on Narragansett Parkway to the cars. They gradually limped in, and were greeted by Concrete Feet, who had a Basket-like tale of his woes. The circle was held on the docks behind the boathouse.

The run was rated. Pavement, pavement, pavement! No shiggy, to speak of. But: virgin territory (there’s a good reason for that!), three bimbos, no Bondo, lost hasher, and getting rid of the hare for good! Total: +0.69! The backsliders, JIMA and Dry Foot, were punished. The virgins were queried, and violated. Hashit went to Just Miranda because she’s single, and she has been just dying to find out why Concrete has become so attached to the hashit and/or its contents. This of course led to her being named. With the incredibly dubious and tenuous reasoning that the RIH3 is known for, because of her affiliation with ‘Brown’ University, she was named “Scatwoman ” Eat your heart out, BH3! At least she proved worthy of her new name, by showing her “ring”! For reasons unclear (perhaps because he could not stand to hear Fuwangi botch another verse of “In Mobile”), the hare ended up somersaulting into the water. When others began to follow his example, it was time to go.

The On On On was held next door at O’Rourke’s. The behavior was pretty bad, especially in Oozing’s case. But perhaps fearing terrorist reprisals, they were not thrown out. So the evening ended with some vinegar and fries in the beer, Fuwangi pounding a Bud Light, and Oozing annoying all present. But what else is new?

On On

Addendum: Basket’s latest effort, inspired by the On On On. Someone needs to get him a life. WHO wastes his time like this?

WALK THE LINE
Tune: I Walk The Line, by Johnny Cash
Lyrics by Basket Boom Boom

I keep a close watch on this beer of mine. I keep an eye on you at the same time. Because I know you that you keep on a tryin’, to turn my beer in to some slime.

You think that it is fun to ruin beer. I think that doing that is really queer. I’d rather dink it down in double time, because it’s mine, you’ll pay the fine.

If you throw fries in, it is a crime. You’ll make the head flat as a fuckin’ dime. Why can’t we all just have a good time, Instead of being assholes all the time.

I keep my hand over it all the time. If you put vinegar in it will be wine. Then I will kick your ass till you are dyin’. You fuckin’ swine; your ass is mine.

The OnOn’s are just a bloody mess. Food on the table, floor and the waitress’. They’re goin’ to throw us out for the 12th time. So keep you hands off or walk the line.

Stay from my beer because it’s mine.
You keep it up and you’ll be dyin’.
I’ll keep an eye on you this time.