Big River Redux Hash

Run #1163, July 14, 2008

Hare:  Oozing Syphilitic Dicktaphone

Co-Hare: Eenie-Weenie Dick

Location:  Big River, West Greenwich .

Weather:  High 80’s, clear .

Present:   Basket Boom Boom, Amish It Head, Wee Balls, Bondo Jovi, WIPOS, Fuwangi Boner, Dr WHO, Pubic Housing, Ben, Heath. Virgin: Just Margaret.

The Run:

Both hare and co-hare being somewhat crippled with injuries suspiciously incurred, the hash had some reluctance to even show up this evening. Looking for a short trail, both Bondo and WIPOS made an appearance. Async wisely stayed in Boston. Basket and WHO? They always show. (What more reason does anyone need to stay away?) Amish, Wee Balls and Fuwangi? No excuses.

 The hares decided to set trail from a parking lot about a half-mile down Burnt Sawmill Road, in the Big River Management Area in West Greenwich. The police had other ideas. The early arrivals were chased back to the parking area on Rt 3, where the later arrivals sat waiting and laughing. A bit late then, they set off at a walk south on the road. The hare “jogged” (should I say “limped”?) ahead and tried to set a check/falsie on the shore of Capwell Mill Pond, but no one was biting.

Trail began east. The pack easily followed as it avoided the stream, and turned south. No one was fooled as the marks turned right and crossed Burnt Sawmill. When no one is fooled, it means that a) the fast ‘runners’ leave everyone else behind, b) the hares will get frustrated, c) Bondo will return to his car and have some of his own beer, and d) Fuwangi will get lost. WHO says the hash is unpredictable?

Trail now followed some newer logging roads to some dirt bike paths that seemed awfully familiar. Yes, the trail was leading back to the river, and the spot where Async had set a nice swim/raft float (Run #1059) two years (and three days!) ago. The leaders, now Wee Balls and WHO came to this spot first and were soon joined by Pubic Housing and Just Margaret. WHO assured them that trail would be a short swim upstream, followed by a crossing to continue the trail. WHO forgot that the hare can’t swim. Silly WHO! WHO’s to blame, but himself. Wee Balls tried downstream briefly. The bimbos stood on the shore and swatted mosquitoes.

Finally, the hare and co-hare arrived, and declared this the Beer Check. Gradually, the rest of the pack straggled in. The hare had typically provided only a twelve pack of bottles. Luckily, Fuwangi was still lost, and Basket was still late. A few songs were sung, and WHO took another bath in the stream. Beer finished, they followed trail back, north and then east.

Circling up, the run was rated. Light shiggy at best, no necessary water crossings, no one arrested by lackadaisical police, lack of beer and ultimate recovery of Basket, Bondo, Fuwangi AND Ben far outweighed the bimbos and relative lack of pavement. Total: -6.9. Hashit: Oozing SD, basically for whining, boasting and not getting arrested. The On On On was at the Black Water Inn. And that’s all there is to say.

On On